Forever in Your Heart
by cnikkis
Summary: Edward left Bella when he was 18 to become a soldier. 4 years and a college degree later he comes home with Tanya as his fiancé. Will they be able to get back together? Can they decide who is truly worth the pain? AU/AH.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything else you may recognize throughout this story they belong to their respected authors. No copy write infringement is intended.**

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**Summary: Edward left Bella when he was 18 to become a soldier. 4 years and a college degree later he comes home with Tanya as his fiancé. Will they be able to get back together? Can they decide who is truly worth the pain? AU/AH.**

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**Warnings and Rating: This story will contain language and sexual references. It may contain scenes of a sexual nature and will probably contain violence. I rated it M to be safe.**

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**_Forever in Your Heart_**

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The truth is everyone is going to hurt you; you just need to figure out who is worth it.

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Four years ago he left for Fort Sam. I haven't heard from him since. O I have heard of him, but never from him. Our parents, well my dad and his parents, have become great friends. They hunt, fish, and enjoy the Washington wilderness together every weekend. This leaves me to bond with his siblings. They haven't heard much from him either. All I know is that he was honorably discharged, and then went to study business at the university in Juneau. He hasn't sent so much as a postcard my way since the day he said goodbye.

We fell in love when I was sixteen and naïve. He was 17 about to be eighteen with goals of outshining his older brothers. Jasper was an army major by 20, and Emmett is a top quarterback in the NFL. His sisters, well adopted sisters, Rosalie and Alice were just as successful. Alice being a big time New York fashion designer and Rose a model. Needless to say he had a big footstep to follow in. He met me right after my mother had died of breast cancer. He sauntered up to me my first day at Forks High and introduced himself. He told me bits and pieces about his family and how he was the youngest. He was the only Cullen child born to Esme and Carlisle, a shock considering he had four siblings. He was also the only one with little idea of what he wanted to be when he grew up.

Carlisle and Esme placed the most weight on his shoulders. He knew it was unintentional, but he was still faced with the stress of finding his calling before the age of eighteen. Everyone else in his family expected him to be great, but he knew little of what he wanted.

It surprised me when on his eighteenth birthday he announced that he was joining the army. He had already graduated high and had not chosen a college. I figured he was going to be a doctor or teacher, never join the army for senseless killing. On his birthday he told me and I quote,"Bella, this is the last time you will see me for a long time. I want you to move on with your life, and be happy. You will be in my heart and memories always, and be the only thing I wish to run home to." After that day I haven't heard anything from him in four years.

He rarely messaged his family and never came home over the holidays. I think maybe he was embarrassed by the fact he had to leave the one thing he thought he could succeed at. He went to college in Alaska shortly after he was discharged due to health reasons. He wouldn't say exactly what they were, but I had a feeling that it was due to the metal plate in his leg.

Edward, it still hurts to say his name, was my only reason for breathing. I still love the man to this day, and have never settled for replacements. I blow through men left and right, never letting myself feel anything for them, because I know in my heart I will only be let down. Edward is the only man that is right for me. He is the only one who can make my heart sing and smile beam. No one else has ever been able to make me feel the way he does. No one will ever have a shot.

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I am sitting next to Alice on the couch, bouncing alongside her. The drive to the airport and back has never seemed so long before. "Alice, do you think he will still love me?" I ask her staring at my jiggling feet.

"Bella, he almost loved you more then his own family. I'm sure he never moved on and still loves you even more then he did on the day he left." Alice confidently told me.

"Then why didn't he write? He didn't even send me congratulations on my graduation. It's almost like he never existed."

"I know he will still love you, it might just take him a while to realize it." Alice replied. My best friend was in tune with everything; however she was also super cryptic and often spoke in riddles. She rarely said something without it needing decoding by some code cracker. I guess that's just the way life works, You get a psychic best friend , who can give you an answer to just about everything, however her answers are always in code form and rarely contain the answer you were truly looking for.

I heard the car pull into the driveway and suddenly my stomach felt like it was in my throat. I think I even lost a few shades, because Alice looked at me like I was ghost.

We heard the doors slam and footsteps on the front porch of their Bellevue house. I was shaking from nerves and waiting expectantly for the door to open. Please let him remember me.

I heard Charlie's voice say "Welcome home son. We missed you." I hid my depression, and the fact that Edward had never written me from Charlie. They needed to maintain their relationship. When I cried for the first few days he just thought it was because of Edward joining the army, not the fact he broke up with me. I wanted him to preserve his friendship with the Cullen's as well. Billy and Henry were on the tail end of their journey, and he needed to have friends. When Carlisle and Esme moved to Bellevue, Charlie couldn't help but join them.

The door opened slowly and Alice bounded up to her favorite brother. "Edward, we missed you. Please tell us about everything you have been up to. I want all your stories." Alice practically shrieked.

I slowly came out from my hiding spot and saw the look of shock on his face. He tried to smile at me, but all I got was a halfhearted crooked grin that he knew I loved. Apparently he didn't expect me to be waiting for him.

I walked up to him slowly, and as I placed around him my heart started pounding. The feeling of excitement that came every time I was near him was like an adrenaline rush. I couldn't help but breathe in the Calvin Klein cologne that he always wore, and felt the smile arrive on my face. "Hi," I told him trying to get a genuine smile out of him.

"Hi," he replied back, clearly nervous about something. I hope he understands that all is forgiven. I turned my head to the door, a mega, watt smile on my face when in walked a beauty that could rival Rosalie. I backed away from Edward, and waited for an explanation.

Carlisle and Esme followed her in with scowls on their faces. O this can't be good I thought. Edward looked at Charlie, Alice, and I and spoke nervously," This is my fiancée Tanya. She will be visiting with us for a few months, until I can get a house. Tanya this is Charlie, Bella, and my sister Alice. Charlie and Bella are family friends, almost like a second father and a sister to me."

I wanted to hit him! A sister! Seriously! Is that all I am now? For someone who said he would love me forever he sure moved on fast.

I eyed this Tanya girl, she was strawberry blonde, taller then me, and had ice blue eyes. Her features were harsh, but beautiful. She was the exact opposite of me. She even moved with grace, instead of clumsiness. I looked at Alice and asked her mentally I thought he still loved me.

She mouthed, "In time," and looked away. She greeted Tanya in a voice that only I could tell she was not happy. She was actually livid. She gave Tanya a fake smile and a false cherry voice as she hugged her and said, "Welcome to the family."

I couldn't bring myself to smile but I did say welcome, followed by bitch under my breath. I hated her already, although I couldn't tell if it was because of her or because of the fact she was with the man I loved.

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**End Notes- This story is based on a dream I had last night. I know weird. Anyways reviews are appreciated, and they lead to faster updates which by the way should at least be one every two weeks. Most likely I will update more often. I'm not sure how long this will be, nor am I sure how long Tanya will be around. This will be full of angst and involve infidelity.**

**Also the entire story will be in Bella's point of view; unless she becomes incapacitated for some reason then it will be in Alice's.**


	2. Chapter 2

_Dead Memories_- Slipknot

Sitting in the dark, I can't forget  
Even now, I realize the time I'll never get  
Another story of the bitter pills of fate  
I can't go back again, I can't go back again

But you asked me to love you and I did  
Traded my emotions for a contract to commit  
And when I got away I only got so far  
The other me is dead, I hear his voice inside my head

And we were never alive and we won't be born again  
But I'll never survive with dead memories in my heart  
Dead memories in my heart  
Dead memories in my heart

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I walked towards Alice's room feeling defeated. He was engaged to an image of perfection and here I was, normality at its best. My clumsiness didn't get the best of me while heading up two stories and I entered my best friends room. She was looking at me with sadness and hope, though I can not gather what the hope was for, I am not able to hurt him like that.

"Bella, he will be with you. He still loves you he just hasn't realized yet. Please, don't beat yourself up over this. You are a strong girl, you can make it through."

I held back the tears that were threatening to escape my eyes and answered her, "Alice, I just learned that the one person I could probably ever love, is engaged to someone who looks like a white Tyra. How the hell can I compete with that?"

"Bella, you know as well as I do Edward cares more about whats inside the present, not the wrapping paper. If he just loves her because of the icy blue eyes and perfect rack then you can easily get him back. People do not fall out of a love as strong as you guys had. If it was possible nobody would be in a true relationship. I would recommend talking to her, size up your competition. That way you know what charm to use on him."

"I don't want to break them up though. Edward deserves happiness even if its not with me."

"Bella, get your selfless head out of your ass and think about it, if she is a blonde bimbo will Edward be truly happy? NO! Get to know her and see if she is right for him, if shes not pull out the Bella charm and send my brother back into your arms. If by some miracle she is a good significant other, then we will both hold off our plans for sabotage."

"So you want me to go down there, being Edward's ex and say, hey I'm Bella I want to be your best friend so I can figure out a way to break up you and the love of my life," sarcasm is my best friend when I am upset.

"No, I want you to go down there as Edward's almost sister and welcome her wholeheartedly into the family. If she asks anything about you and Edward's past relationship, lie. She will never trust you if she automatically thinks that you are trying to get back with him," Alice was being incredibly vindictive. I guess that she already disliked Tanya for some reason or another.

"I'll do it. Why are you being so vindictive? It's not like you to be this heartless towards someone you just met. Normally you are like a golden retriever, loving towards everyone."

"Bella, I am like a pit bull, and Edward has pushed me too far on this. I know what he feels and he is hiding it from himself, he needs a wake-up call. Also something tells me Tanya isn't as perfect as we make her out to be." Alice said as a slightly evil smirk spread across her face.

I started to head back down the stairs to talk to Tanya. If someone were to have told me yesterday that I would actively seek out my ex boyfriend's, who I happen to still love, new girlfriend I would have called them a moron. What female in their right mind seeks out a rival to make nice with them? A bitch that is what I am. I am stopping at nothing to get what I want, and the worst part is there are others feelings at stake. I could completely ruin this girl, and I am more worried about Edward hating me. I guess love really does make you do stupid things.

She is by herself in the living room. I knew Carlisle and Esme were planning on taking Edward out to eat as soon as he got in, just the three of them. I guess Tanya didn't count. Lucky me, I can now talk to her alone and Edward can't stop me.

"Hey, Tanya," I said in a false cheery voice that only Alice and my father could tell was a false cherry voice. For good measure I also plastered a huge fake smile on my face and stopped running ways of her untimely death through my head. I couldn't get over the one where she fell into the Pacific and was ripped to shreds by sea lions. "Do you mind if I talk to you?" I continued hoping she would not want anything to do with me, then at least I could not be labeled as the evil woman I am being.

"Bella, I would love to chat with you. I want to get to know all of Edward's family and almost family members," damn it.

"So how did you two meet?" I asked not really caring about the answer, but Alice told me to get to know her.

Tanya giggled and smiled at the memory. "Well he was in my stress management class and I was having a hard time committing my mind to meditation and he offered to help. I'm not sure if he helped much though, he is so gorgeous and his voice immediately made me think about things besides closing my mind and focusing on breathing. Anyways after many failed meditation tutoring sessions, he asked me on a date and of course I said yes. Who wouldn't he is like a model, but like our relationship grew from there."

What kind of idiot needs help in stress management? It is known as the blow off class. I got a hundred percent just for showing up everyday. "That's so sweet that he would help you," insert internal retching, "do you like Seattle?" This girl was a ditz I wondered if she even knew where she was.

"I thought that this is Bellvue, I like Bellvue and these homes are charming. This is nothing like Vegas though, everything here is so old and green covered. I hope we move some place newer when Edward buys a house. I hate old, history is soo boring." I want to hit her, hand stay at side please.

"Edward, loves old and I think he will want to stay in this area, he is very close with his family. I take it you are from Vegas." Cannot kill the dumb blonde who is marring the love of my life, even Charlie can't get me out of first degree murder. I don't see how he likes her. She can barley put an intelligent sentence together.

"How did you know that?' I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "O I guess I just mentioned it, silly me," she giggled again. I was waiting for her to start popping her gum and twirling he perfect even though I just spent nine hours on a plane hair through her fingers. "So did you ever like date Edward? Did you guys have sex? Is he any good? He wants to wait until marriage, but I'm like its not like we aren't getting married so why can't we. He won't tell me anything about his ex's and what they did together. Do you know anything? I really want to know." She whined out. I have a feeling she was from the ritzy part of Vegas, probably Anthem and she owned her own Porsche and has her own AMEX card. Stupid Bitch.

"No," I giggled trying to keep the sense of commadarie going," we never did anything. We only dated for a few months though nothing serious. He has always wanted to wait, he feels its something important that only a couple joined in matrimony should partake in. At least that what he told me from the time I fifteen. Anyways, what did you study?" I was curious on how this bimbo got into any school but a community college.

"I studied theater, even though I'm not very good. My parents would even give me their money if I graduated school. Now that I have Edward I won't need to graduate, he can help me out. If he doesn't want to I can always go back, it's only one more semester after all. I had to go to that school because it was the only one where the dean hadn't met me yet, so he thought I had more brain power then I did. Poor guy." So she acknowledges that she is a moron. Edward still dates her what the flying fuck is wrong in this world. Edward graduated with a 4.0 and a high end job and he is marring her? I guess he needs a trophy wife.

"That make sense, so are you using Edward for his money?" I had to ask.

"Oh, no. I would never do that. I can get what I need from my parents." She was lying to me, not two seconds ago I heard a door slam and the rest of the family come into the house. Sadly there was no time to see what she was lying about.

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About an hour after my IQ dropping conversation with Tanya, Edward is finally alone. I want to talk to him, just so I can at least get my head around this relationship from hell. I guess we never had the conversation of the perfect woman for him, because he always called me perfect. I just don't get what he sees in her.

"Edward, do you want to go for a walk? Just so we can catch up." I asked my heart soaring upon seeing him. I can't help what I feel.

"Bella, of course." He smiled the first genuine smile I had seen on him since he got back. I guess he is happy to see me after all.

"Great just let me grad a coat and we will be off." I replied running to the Cullen coat closet and grabbing my water proof jacket.

I lead him out to the Cullen back yard and through the trees to the beach. One thing about Bellvue that I love is that some of the houses are right off the water. It's peaceful to go outside and think by the water, it reminds me of my time with Jacob, before he joined the army. He, unlike Edward was kept and is still on active duty.

"So, your fiance is very interesting. She's quite the looker," I said nudging him and smiling.

"Tanya is pretty, but that's not the reason I'm with her." He nudged me back causing me to stubble. He caught me before I hit the ground and my eyes met his. He pulled me into his arms, much like he did when we were still together. He looked at me and leaned down, almost pressing his lips to my own before he caught himself and kissed my forehead. "Silly, Bella always falling," he said trying to brush off the awkward moment.

"They why are you with her? Certainly not for her brains." Maybe he still cares and this will be easier then I thought.

"I love the life in her, it almost reminds me of you." I snorted how can he compare me to someone who doesn't know the difference between even and odd numbers. He smiled and continued, "she knows how to have a good time. She is constantly planning new ways to keep us entertained." I do that too I thought.

"Do you really think that will keep you together for a lifetime? It's not like you can have an interesting conversation with her." I can't make him mad, I need him in my life even if he is just a friend.

"Well, no, but she makes up for it in other areas like random ideas. I have friends that I can have conversations with." He looked at me saying I was just a friend. "So what about you? Do you have any fiances I need to beat off with sarcasm and a stick?"

"No, I guess I have never met anyone else." I really wanted to avoid this part of our conversation. "Edward can we talk about something happier. All this stuff about you marring someone else is kind of a downer."

"Sure thing, love. What do you study or do for a living." I noticed he avoided the typical I haven't talked to you in so long that follows the question.

"I got my associates in culinary arts and published a couple cookbooks. Now I don't really do much but try to find new recipes. I still live with Charlie, most of the time, because he needs help. His heart isn't doing too good and I don't want him to be alone."

"That's my girl, always putting others before herself. So what do you mean you live with Charlie most of the time?" He has called me "love" and "my girl" in the past five minutes, does he even love Tanya?

"I live at your house too. I have my own room and everything. Alice convinced Carlisle that since I spent so much time over there I should have my own room and the like. Every week I stay the night about three times." That really was Alice's idea, she said I spent so much time there that I might as well have my own room.

"Wow, that's awesome."

"Edward, what are you doing once you get on your feet?" I couldn't help but ask.

"I got a job as a marketing director for Starbucks. I will be starting it next month and then I will be buying a house in this area so that I can be close to work. I guess I also have to help Tanya plan our wedding." He said the last bit as if he were frustrated about something.

"Do you want to marry Tanya? If not I'm sure Alice can scare her off." Maybe he doesn't want to be with her.

"Not right now. She is forcing me into it saying that her family will only continue to give her money if she marries me, and the like. I would rather wait to make sure, but she wants to do it now. I don't have a problem with marriage per say, but I am not sure if Tanya is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with."

She was lying, I just had to let him see the truth. Alice and I will come up with a plan tonight over margaritas. "If your not sure why not just tell her that?"

"I don't want to make her mad. She is the best thing to happen to me for a long time, and I can't imagine getting rid of her. I am sure forever will work if we are both invested in it."

"I am sure," I replied sarcastically. "So I'm hungry and your fiance probably wants to see you, do you want to head back? Alice and I have a girl's night out planned, and no your blonde barbie is not invited."

"Sure, hey do you know when Rosalie is coming home? Tanya said she wanted to meet her."

"Not for a month or two she is doing shoots in Australia and Emmett is with her." Maybe that's the key to thing whole mess.

We walked towards our large Victorian style home and I called Alice, "Meet me in my car," was all I told her.

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Four hours and two strong margaritas later Alice and I are plotting on my bed at Charlie's house. Normally I wouldn't plan to ruin someone's life, but I really think she is lying about something.

"Alice, what should we do?" I slurred out, I am a lightweight.

"I think she is lying about something too Bells, we need to make Edward see the truth. No one scams my brother."

"True that, no scams the love of my life and gets away with it. How do we make him see it though?"

"We need to build up a case against her, and then present the evidence. This of course only works if she doesn't reveal her true colors first. I think she will do just that. What do you think she is lying about?" Alice is nowhere near as tipsy as I am, its rather comical too. I have a good thirty pounds on the girl.

"Money and why she is with Edward. She said that she went to college so that she could still get money from her parents and Edward told me that she would only get it if she married him. I don't see why she would lie about that though unless she is a gold digging whore. She is after something else, I don't think she even loves him. I don't think that Edward loves her all that much either, he gave me this speal on how she was fun."

"Yes, I see now. OK Bella here's the plan." Alice said in a serious voice. "First you need to become a best friend to Tanya. I know it will be hard but its the only way to weasel information out of her. Second, you need to get close to Edward again. It will be really easy because on the way out the door I caught the smile he only got when he was with you. Last you need to figure out her life plans, before she found Edward. Something in the back of my mind tells me that's the key to figuring her out."

"Operation Get Tanya Out of the Picture and Steal my Man Back, commence," I said causing Alice to break into hysterical laughter. This is going to suck and be fun at the same time.

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**End Notes- Here is the second chapter to my story. Hope you enjoyed it! Please review. Thanks to everyone that reviewed the last chapter and added my story. I will probably forget to thank you in my chapters to come. Also I may edit and re-post the first chapter because I am not super pleased with it. If you want me to let me know!**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Song- _Girlfriend_- Avril Lavigne

**A/N, you might want some tissues handy!**

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"Alice, I'm not sure I can do this anymore. We aren't learning anymore about her, and she seems to have wised up. She hasn't let anything slip since the first day. I honestly don't know if the plan is the right thing to do anymore." I told her as she stripped the nearly perfect polish my nails.

"Bella, do you love Edward?"

"You know the answer to that, but is my love a good reason to break up a relationship between him and a girl he cares about enough to marry?"

"Hon, he already told you that she is practically forcing him to marry her, she must have a reason behind it. Get to know her better and then you can decide if you want to go on with the plan." Alice made sense, to a point; this plot just seemed so high school.

"Ok, ok I'll talk to Tanya today and then take the walk with Edward that he has been nagging me about. That work for you?"

"Seems perfect, Bells. So what have you weaseled out of her?" Alice squirmed closer to me and started bouncing like a bunny.

"Nothing much just more pointless bullshit, all she seems to want to talk about is clothes and hot movie stars. It's actually rather nauseating. I'm surprised she hasn't made me hurl yet." Talking to Tanya was like talking to a web site that was focused on celebrity gossip.

"Well I have a feeling that today will be better. You will get something out of her; I just don't know what it is."

While talking to Alice a question ran through my mind, "Hey Allie, why don't you talk to her? Why is it always me, you guys have more in common and you could probably earn her trust faster then me."

She looked at me with sad eyes and then proceeded to fidget with her spikes. She clearly didn't want to tell me something. "I'm scared that if I get to know her I might actually like her, and I know you are the only girl for Edward. If I get close to her, I might not be able to turn her in when it comes down to it. You are the best person for the job, besides Rosalie. Oh, she'll be back in about a week, her shot is over and she is done for six months."

I felt myself growing angry," You are making me do something so entirely selfish because you don't think that you can complete the plan when it comes down to it! Seriously, what is so special about her! She is just another dumb blonde bombshell, and I am stuck listening to how awesome she is from everyone. She is a moron who can barley put a sentence together!"

"Bella, this is why you are perfect for the job. You have a built in hatred towards her, and will be harder to win over. When she spews a whole bunch of crap you can see through it, no one else can because we have no reason to dislike her," Alice looked like she was about to cry. She hated it when I got mad at her.

"Ok, Alice look, I'm not mad at you more at the situation. I will bull shit my way through today and if something interesting or crucial comes up I'll tell you. I love you Allie."I told her feeling my heart melt, it was impossible to stay mad at her for long.

I walked away from Alice's room to retrieve my nail supplies. Once a week for the past three weeks I would join Tanya for manicures, something I wouldn't do unless I was trying to force a friendship with someone. I doubled back after I got the supplies and headed to her and Edward's room. If I didn't know about his morals I would probably have a conniption. I hated the idea of him making love to anyone but me.

"Hey girl, ready for manicures?" I asked in my false cheerful voice with the fake smile across my face.

"Sure thing Hells Bells, what color you feeling? I kind of want like a hooker red. I think it looks awesome with my skin tone." Anything hooker related looks good on her, and what is with her using Jake's nickname for me? Ugg, I really want to hate her but can't fully get around to it.

"I want a navy or emerald. Cool colors work wonders with my complexion." I swear this false cheeriness is going to kill me slowly.

She dug through my bag for the colors and started painting. Now was my chance to ask her something personal," So how long did you live in Vegas for? Were you there your entire life of was it just a few years?"

She giggled out her answer clearly loving what was going through her head, "I was there from the day I was born until I went to college. My dad owns a company that promotes shows on the strip, my mom works with colleges. I never really met my mom though, she and my dad divorced when I was really little and she was always off doing her own thing."

"Well that's nice, so is that why you ended up in Juneau?" Gag me.

"Ya, sorta. My mom was pretty upset that my grades weren't up to par and she had to pull some strings. It all worked out for the better though, she got me in and I haven't seen her since." These answers aren't good enough.

I decided to let some of my life slip to open up the barriers of communication, "My parents divorced when I was little too. I lived with my mom for a few years, then when she died I moved in with Charlie. I lived in Vegas too, but only for my mom's cancer treatments. She passed away quite a few years ago."

"Wow, that's horrible about your mom. What part of Vegas did you live in?"

"By the air force base. We couldn't afford a nice house, my mom didn't make much, and cancer treatments are expensive. What part did you live in?"

"O all over, most recently Silverado ranch off of St. Rose Parkway and Las Vegas Boulevard." I knew she was a rich bitch those houses are at least five hundred grand.

"Oh my god, that was dirt when I lived there! So what did you want to be when you grew up?" Time to get to the point she was already done with me and it was my turn to paint hers, I contemplated throwing the polish in her face, but decided against it.

"Well I still want to be a model, it's the only thing I can ever be good at, I don't have much for brains." So true Tanya so true.

"Is that why you want to meet Rosalie? She might be able to help you." Maybe that is the answer and I can stop playing this whole keep your friends close enemies closer game.

"Part of it, I also amazed with her work. She is so good at her job! What did you want to be?"

"I want to be a novelist; I am actually going back to school next term to be an English major. With my minor celebrity I might actually be able to get the publishing companies to look at my stories. Random question, so why are you with Edward? I guess the better question is what do you love about him?" I almost let myself out. Watch it Bella, you've come too far to give up now.

"He is so hot, and he is sweet. I just love how he moves when he walks, and he can make me smile most of the time," can this girl get anymore shallow.

I was on the verge of a breakthrough and I knew it, but the Tanya reminded me that her nails were done, "Hey Tanya, you want to do toes today too?" I asked trying to get her to answer more, I needed this answer. It was everything.

Right as she was about to answer, I heard a knock at the door followed by a "Bella, Alice down here!" Great this was going to have to wait until next week.

I ran down the stairs and nearly tripped over Alice. "Sorry sis, "I yelled trying to get to Carlisle.

She laughed and replied, "No probs Bell, I'm used to being hit by steam rollers."

I blushed, and tried pushing her again, "I am the furthest thing from a steam roller thank you very much."

"Bella, you cause as much damage as one, even if you are far apart in size!" We both started laughing and ended up at the front door to see a very forlorn looking Jacob. His normally glowing face looked like the sun within him went off, and his eyes showed more then they should have. He was a twenty year old who had seen more then he should have, and he obviously had some bad news.

In his hands was a pair of dog tags and a hat. My face fell and Alice's smile faded. Carlisle and Esme were already near tears before Jacob even opened his mouth. Tanya had slowly made her way into the foyer and was staring at everyone's expressions; I could guess what was coming next.

"Nice to see you again Bella," Jake smiled at me then his face hardened again into his soldier face. "I have some bad news for the family. Sergeant Cullen had am accident while trying to save some members of his crew. He didn't make it. I'm sorry and express my condolences to the family. I know we didn't get along when I lived in Forks, but after I was stationed with Jasper he became a good friend. I am deeply sorry about your loss and know that I lost one my best friends as well." Jacob looked like he was near tears, and I could feel the pain radiating off of him.

I looked around at the members of my almost family, and felt the tears well up in my eyes. Jasper was gone. He was a brother to me from the day I met him. No one seemed as tore up as Alice however, she collapsed to the floor and started sobbing. She was beyond the point of tears. Jasper was he soon to be husband. They were getting married in a few months; right after Jasper finished his term. He only had three months left to be America's hero, now he would never get the chance to be a husband and a father.

Through his tears Carlisle answered Jacob, "Thank you for telling us. I would love to chat with you, but due to the news you brought I would rather spend some time with my family. Do you have a place to stay? I understand your father died some years ago."

"I am staying with Charlie for the mean time. Bella after you have some time to grieve I would love to chat with you. I am sorry about your loss; please do not hold this against me."

The family nodded in acknowledgement towards Jacob and closed the door as he left the step. Everyone let their tears fall freely. It was unfair that he was taken from us; he had so much to look forward too. To have his life cut short was unfair to the highest degree. I will miss my brother.

Tanya sat down across from us on the chair and opened her trap, "Why is losing him such a surprise to you guys? I mean he was a soldier, you should've known this was a possibility."

That bitch. Alice finally regained he composure and lifted herself off the floor. She walked tall over to Tanya, the tears finally running, and got in her face. "How dare you say something as insensitive as that? Yes he was a soldier, and yes it was a possibility, but you do not need to be an insensitive bitch about the loss of a family member. Get the fuck out and don't come back until you have regained some sense of compassion. You are also banned from his memorial service; if you show your stupid face there I will kick your ass into next year."

Tanya backed away and mumbled something under her breath that sounded like, "Why the hell am I marrying into this incest infested family," but I could have been wrong.

Carlisle then addressed her as well, "Tanya you have insulted my family and our wishes it is best for you to leave now. I assume you have money for a hotel. I will tell Edward where you are when he gets home, but don't expect him to go looking for you just yet. Jasper was a brother to him and your comment will be repeated."

Tanya stormed out of the house and into the Integra that she had received from Edward. She was going down; no one talked about my family in such a blundering manner.

It took me a few moments to cool down from Tanya's comment and when I did, I noticed that the tears where still falling from my family members eyes. I sat on the couch next to Alice and held her. She was crying harder then I had ever heard her cry before. I barley comprehended Carlisle placing a phone call to Edward, barley head the car door slam, and Edward rush up the front porch. The sound of Carlisle telling Edward about the loss of Jasper was muffled in my ears, but I noticed he said little nothing about Tanya's reaction. I suppose that is for the best right now.

I felt the couch shift and looked away from Alice's head. Esme spoke to me first from in front of me, "Bella I can take over now." I nodded and turned away from my best friend who was clearly hurting.

I noticed who had made the couch shift and turned around to see Edward. He looked upset but was masking most of it to unleash when he could be alone. "Bella, can you take that walk with me now?"

I nodded again because of the hoarse feeling in my throat, and the threat of the tears escaping again. I needed to be strong for the family. I knew they would understand my tears, but now I needed to hold them in so Edward could stay in control. Even though I had never seen him upset before I knew he was trying to keep the tears from escaping in front of Alice. With him crying she would breakdown even further.

I followed Edward as he grabbed a blanket and headed into the rare sunshine. It seemed to be a slap to the face; one of the few days with actual sunshine had to be on a day where my family wanted clouds. I followed at his pace and he slipped an arm around my shoulders. We walked a few hundred meters into the forest which opened into a beautiful meadow. Flowers covered the floor, and sun shone from above. I knew he had a special place in Forks, but I didn't realize that he would have one here. He laid down the blanket, not caring about wrinkles like he normally would and patted the soft fleece next to him.

I sat down in the diagonal corner from him, not knowing how close he wanted me to be. "Bella, here next me," he said in a voice so hoarse it made mine look normal. I knew his tears were coming. I got close to him and he pulled me to his chest. The tears that were threatening to escape poured into my hair as he kissed the top of my head. We cried together for an unknown amount of time. We didn't care about much of anything but our loss. Jasper was my brother as much as his.

While our tears slowed my thoughts drifted towards Tanya and how big of a bitch she was towards the family today. If she were to have lost a family member I would have kept the negative thoughts to myself. It almost proved that she disliked us, because I would never make the comment like that about a friend's family. The only reason I would mentally make one about hers was because it was almost hard to feel sympathy for her.

It was at this point when I realized that Edward hadn't so much as asked for Tanya the entire time he had been home. He seemed to be more interested in me and how the rest of the family had been doing. I snuggled closer into his chest, my tears finally drawing to a close when I heard him clear his throat.

"Bella, where's Tanya? I didn't see her when I got home." Now the eternal question arises, should I tell him about what she said or should I wait for someone else to do it.

* * *

**End Notes- Thank you so much for reading! Today is my twenty first birthday, so as a present I would like more reviews then normal. I'm sorry about the long wait between updates, but between work school, fiancé and my computer crashing I didn't have much time to get this out. I'm sorry about the whole dead Jasper thing; please don't hate me for it! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I will update soon, probably within the next week, no school, no work, and I have full access to the computer! Woo-Hoo!**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Song: _I Still Miss You- _Keith Anderson

* * *

"_Bella, where's Tanya? I didn't see her when I got home." Now the eternal question arises, should I tell him about what she said or should I wait for someone else to do it._

* * *

I honestly don't think that Edward is ready to hear the truth, and I think that it would come better from the family as a whole. "Edward that is something we need to discuss as a family. I'm sorry but I don't think now is the time to tell you." I winced as the words left my lips, if it were me I would defiantly not accept that as an answer. Hell if my fiancé was not around after the death of an immediate family member, I would ask questions as soon as I walked in the door.

"Understandable, Bella what would you have done if it was me who died?" He pierced me with his brilliant green eyes.

I stuttered and blushed. Could I be honest with him? If I was to honest would I send him running? I let my eyes wander to a moss covered log to the left of me, looking completely away from Edward. After a moment of my internal argument I decided the best answer to his question, "I'll answer on one condition, you have to answer the same question pertaining to me. Agreed?"

He looked shocked, but signaled his agreement. "If you were to pass away, I would be more upset then I am now. You are and were the only boy I ever fell in love with, and I would be a wreck not knowing what could have been. I'm sorry if my answer makes you uncomfortable, I really am but I'm tired of playing around." I told him that I still loved him in the most backass ward way possible.

He took a deep breath and looked away breaking the intensity between us. He cleared his throat and I noticed that the glistening tears had returned. "Bella, love, thank you for your honesty. You are my first love and I never fell out of love with you, right now I am trying to fight the feelings I have for you. The biggest part of me wants to tell Tanya to piss off and spend the rest of my life with you," my heart felt like it was flying. "The other more logical part of me knows that I should stop imposing on your life. I am not good for you. I left you once, and before I could fix what I had done it was too late. If you were to be taken from me suddenly I would be in the state that Alice is right now." He is not imposing on my life. What can I do to make him see that?

"Edward, I love you. You never imposed on my life, and it was my choice to not give up hope. I know you are engaged, and I also know that you need to try your hardest to make it work. I just wish we had a shot at our forever together. Please understand that it was never too late and it's not too late until you are married." He looked at me intensely, tears spilling out of his marvelous eyes. He moved his head suddenly and bent down. He closed his eyes and leaned down to place to a kiss on my lips.

The kiss was short, chaste nothing to spectacular to most people, but to me it meant everything. He had shown me in mine small movement that he still loved me, maybe even wanted me. "Bella, don't give up on me. I will find some way to make this work," he said through his sobs.

I sat in his lap for a few more minutes, with him placing his soft lips to my chocolate hair. In mid lean something seemed to change in him. His eyes took on a more determined look, and he gently brushed me off his lap. "What the hell am I doing? I'm so sorry Bella, I shouldn't have done this. I'll meet you back at the house in a few minutes." He stood up and started walking the opposite direction of home. I felt the salt returning to my eyes. This time my pain had nothing to with Jasper and everything to do with Edward. He had made me cry again.

I stumbled my way back through the forest to the Cullen house. The entire way I felt like falling to the damp earth and crying. The only thing stopping me from doing just that was my pride and the feeling of what there is to come. If the plan works Edward will be with me. Tanya is lying. She doesn't care for some reason or another, and I need to learn what that reason is. If I can break her down I can get my Edward back.

* * *

After I had stumbled back into the house, I noticed that the crying had slowed and now all that could be heard were the sounds of Esme making chicken noodle soup and sniffling every few seconds. I made my way into the perfectly decorated living room to find Carlisle sitting in the recliner and Alice sprawled out on the couch with a towel covering her eyes. "Carlisle, how is she doing?" I asked thinking Alice was asleep.

"I've been better, but I could be worse considering the situation. I still have a drive to live so I suppose I'm ok. I feel empty, like the other half of me just ran away. My soul mate is gone and my heart feels like it is in a million pieces. I suppose this how you felt when Edward left you, and it must be so much worse now that he is back and in the arms of someone else." Alice spoke in monotone, almost like she was talking to herself not to another person. She sounded dead. Her life seemed to have left her and all that was left is an empty shell.

I looked at her feeling sympathetic, but before I could get anything out she interrupted my thought process. "Bella, call Jacob and invite him to dinner. He should be with others who are grieving his loss too. Invite Charlie as well, he wants to be here."

"Anything Alice. Can I grab anything for you?"

"No one can do anything to help me right now. All I need is a hot towel and some water." She answered in her lifeless voice. She had the towel over her eyes and the bottle of Arrowhead next to her. I didn't know if she wanted me to stand around or not so I cleared my throat. "Honey, go make a phone call, I'll be fine. I have Carlisle and I'm not good company."

"Ok," I said not wanting to leave her side while she was hurting. "Go Bells, I'll be breathing when you come back."

I reluctantly left her side, journeying into my room to find my cell phone. It was the typical clutter nothing on the floor, but clothes and papers strewn over the surfaces. I walked over to my computer desk to see if it was in the normal spot as a paperweight. It was and I scrolled through the preprogrammed numbers to get to Charlie's cell.

Charlie, dad, picked up on the first ring, "Bella, I'm sorry. Are you ok sweetie?"

"Dad, I'm fine. Can you and Jake come over for dinner? It would be nice if you could, you are part of the family." I invited.

"Sure thing, we will be there in a few hours. Have Esme call if she wants us there sooner."

"K, dad see you then. I love you." I spoke in my raspy voice.

"Love you too Bell, take it easy," Charlie said as he hung up the phone.

After my phone call I didn't feel like spending time alone so I went out into the living room again and took a seat on the couch that was not occupied by Alice. As I walked back into the room, the front door opened and Edward walked in. I smiled at him, feeling the happiness at him just being in the room wash through me. I can't seem to shake my addiction to him. He's like the sweetest drug; he makes me feel good and keeps me running back for more. If life is going to continue I need to shake him, shake my addiction, because as long as he's with Tanya he will never be able to fulfill my need.

"Hey guys, sorry about the walk, I just needed to be with Bella for awhile." Alice sat up when she heard this, and for the first time since I met her I could say she looked awful. Her normally perfect spikes were half smashed, her clothes were wrinkled, and her eyes were rimmed with sorrow. She was still beautiful; she always would be, but the distress she felt shone through for the first time.

"Don't you find even the slightest bit odd that you went crawling to Bella before you even asked where Tanya was? What do you even see in that stuck up bitch?" Alice practically yelled at him.

"I know you are hurting Alice, but that is no way to talk about her. She never did anything to you." The entire family snorted at this statement causing Edward to look at all of us.

Carlisle spoke from his spot in the recliner causing Edward to turn to him, "Edward, Tanya said some things today that I found inappropriate. She is banished from the house until she can form a proper apology to the family."

Edward's face flashed with anger, "Would someone mind telling me what she said? I think I have a right to know why my family suddenly hates my fiancé."

"It's not all that sudden," I murmured under my breath, earning a small giggle from Alice. Thankfully Edward didn't hear me.

Alice spoke to Edward answering his question, finally telling him what he deserved to know. "Edward she insulted Jasper and then was very unsympathetic about the situation. She said that we shouldn't be upset because we knew that this was a possibility. Then on her way out the door she said and I quote: _Why am I marrying into this incest infested family?"_

Edward looked towards Carlisle and he nodded in agreement, solidifying the truth that Edward had just heard. Edward's face scrunched up in an almost adorable fashion as he pinched his nose in understanding. "I need to think." He said as he ran to his room.

Hopefully this thinking involves booting the bitch to the curb. I leaned back into the couch and tried to tune out my thoughts. It wasn't working so well so asked Alice if I could watch some T.V. She agreed and I turned on some brainless MTV show. As I started to zone in my last thought was "I hope he sees what I see in her, a lying bitch."

* * *

_I am in a dream; at least I think I am. I am not this graceful in everyday life. I was wearing a white summer dress while I was running through the high wheat field next to Edward. We were laughing about the run, never stopping to look down. Once we got to the end of the field he picked me up, causing a laugh to escape me. He gently set me down on a patch of grass, lying gently on top of me. He placed several kisses along my cheeks and neck avoiding my lips entirely. _

"_Bella, I love you, but this can't happen," he said as he moved closer to my lips almost moaning. "Tanya would kill me and I would be letting everyone down. I can't do this."_

"_Edward you can. No one will ever find out, or you can just get rid of Tanya. She isn't the one you are meant to be with. I am. You know that, you've know since the day you met me. She is just using you." The dream me was more confident then the real me._

"_How is she using I need you to tell me Bella." I thought about everything I knew about her for a few moments and then it came to me, simple quick and easy._

"_She is after revenge; you did something to her that she finds repulsive. She is out to ruin you."_

"_Why would she do that to me? I have been nothing but a perfect gentleman to her the entire time we were together."_

"_Maybe it was before you got together."_

"_Bella, what could," Edward started shaking my shoulder._

_

* * *

_

Edward was shaking my shoulder gently with his crooked smile that he knew I loved on his face. "Hey sleepy head, ready for dinner?"

"What, mmmhmm," I answered not able to create a coherent sentence, as I wiped the sweat from my face. My dream had already escaped me.

I woke up a little more and saw Jacob and my father standing around me. "Hells Bells, you joined the land of the living. Nice to see you conscious." Jake told me as I stood up. He had regained some of his normal self and was shining again.

Charlie hugged me, "Bell sorry about your loss I knew you were close."

"No problem Charlie, are you ready to eat?" I questioned not knowing what to say. Sleep was still clouding my mind.

Alice had also seemed slightly more chipper and had showered, "We are just waiting on you sweetie."

I smiled and navigated my way into the kitchen. Esme's chicken noodle soup was defiantly something to write home about. I grabbed a bowl, and sat at the table. Everyone was staring at me, "What?" I said through a muffled mouth of food.

"Nothing Bella we just have some news for you. It could either be good or bad, depending on how you look at it." Edward smiled at me waiting for some reaction.

"Well what is it?" Frustration getting the best of me as I swallowed the food, they knew I was testy the first ten minutes after I woke up.

"Tanya and I are taking a break for a few weeks. She needs to learn a lesson about how to treat my family. I thought that you would be happy to hear it." Edward responded. Alice's smile grew as well as everyone else's.

I swallowed a too hot mouthful of soup, and choked out, "Well that's nice." My dream was coming back to me and I needed to talk to Alice after she calms down a little bit. She probably doesn't want to hear about my suspicions so soon after losing the person she loves.

"We thought you would think so," Carlisle retorted with a smug look on his face. That was the first time in six years I had ever seen Carlisle look smug. "On a not so happy note, Jasper's memorial service will be in three days. We have everything together already we are just waiting for Rose and Emmett to get here. It will take about three days for them to be able to do anything; I hear that plane ride is brutal."

"Ok," I said as the smile left my face. The loss of Jasper was still in the forefront of my mind and I couldn't get over the loss right away. No one else seemed to either and all gained a sad expression as soon as Carlisle mentioned the service.

I finished eating and Jacob walked up to me, "Bells, lets talk. I haven't had a decent conversation with you in two years."

"Sure thing Jake," I lead him to my room completely ignoring Edward for the time being. He said that Tanya and he were only on a break, that didn't mean he was going to run straight into my all too willing arms. Maybe playing hard to get will be a good thing.

* * *

**End Notes- I finally got the whole plot idea for the story! Anyways please review, after the last chapter and my reviews went up by two hundred percent I felt super happy. It even encouraged me to write more and faster. The next chapter will probably have the memorial service, some E/B interaction, and a conversation between B/J. Bella and Jake will just be friends in this story so no worries on that front. I was also thinking about rewriting this story from Edward's point of view. Let me know what you think. Also Edward and Bella will get together slowly, but they are getting together.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Song: _Still Around- 3oh!3_

* * *

_I finished eating and Jacob walked up to me, "Bells, lets talk. I haven't had a decent conversation with you in two years." _

"_Sure thing Jake," I lead him to my room completely ignoring Edward for the time being. He said that Tanya and he were only on a break, that didn't mean he was going to run straight into my all too willing arms. Maybe playing hard to get will be a good thing._

* * *

I sat on my down comforter and looked into Jake's face. His brown eyes looked tortured, almost like he had seen stuff he'd rather not bring up. He probably had, he was overseas in a place where violence was a second language. "Sooo," I asked getting the conversation started.

"Well, here you are a published recipe writer, and here I am a soldier who is no longer wanted by my employer. I guess I should probably start with why I got fired, or discharged, whichever you want to call it." He was joking, kind of. His spirit wasn't back in full force.

"I prefer cook and what happened I thought you were getting ready to move up the ranks? Did you get hurt?" I was serious, but that's probably why we balanced one another out. It also probably kept us out of a lot of trouble.

"I didn't get hurt, not physically at least. We lost Jasper and several other men on that day, and I saw it all. The training that they gave me didn't help me for that. I learned to love people there, something that was my undoing. I never was the type of person to kill mindlessly, and that place taught you to do it. You knew little of who the enemy was and who was the terrorist. I lost it after the death of my peers, one could say that I went crazy, but that's not the case. I didn't go crazy; I just lost the ones I love." Jake took a breath to regain his composure, his soldier face was wearing thin, and the hurt Jake was shining through. "They realized at that point that I was incapable of active duty and would end up hurting my friends and their pawns if I stayed. That's all I was there a pawn. They sent me home to stay; the only stipulation was that I would have to bring the news of Jasper's death to his family. I took the bargain and left, not taking a look back."

"Wow, Jake are you sure you are ok? You seem like you are feeling sick are something." He looked pale and I could tell that what he just told me was all I was ever going to get from him.

"I have colon problems from adjusting to real food again. It will go away in a few weeks. So anyways what have you been up to Bells? You seemed happy until I brought the news. What have you been up too, and please do not leave out any of the gory details?"

"You enjoy gossip too much for having a penis. I am good Jake; I haven't been up to anything, not really. I told you everything in the letters. Since I know what your next question is going to be, no I do not have a boyfriend, no I haven't had one since you left, and no there isn't anyone's ass you need to kick." Being with Jake is easy, it's almost like breathing.

"If you say so Princess, I saw the way you were looking Edward, so you guys going to start a thing up again? You should, I can tell you are still hung up on the guy." Jake was so clueless sometimes, but then again he probably missed the whole scene with Tanya.

"Not now, he's engaged. I am going to try to fight for him, well right now I'm playing hard to get. He can come to me." Jake smiled at this and hopped off my bed.

"Well what the fuck are you waiting for Hells Bells, go get your man!"

I smiled at him and heard a knock on the door, "Come in," I called not caring who barged into my organized disaster.

Edward walked into the room and blushed, "Bella, I was hoping I could talk with you again, but if you're busy I understand." He turned to leave then thankfully Jake saved the day, "Eddie man, I was just leaving. I need to console your sister some more. Please take my place on the bed; I kept it warm for you." Jake winked as he left the room, and Edward turned a deeper shade of crimson.

I hoped he heard little of the conversation that Jake and I were having. He did seemed surprised when he saw Jake in here though, so I guess that he was expecting me to be alone.

"Hi Bella, I'm sorry about happened earlier. I am not that guy who goes around two-timing his fiancé. It's just I don't know what the right thing to do is, I love you and want you, but at the same time I love Tanya as well. I don't know if I am with Tanya for love or convenience though." He was pissing me off.

I felt the venom rise in my throat. "Edward, look I do not care about your internal struggles, they make me feel like some pathetic little high schooler. If you want her be with her fine, if you want me I am here. I am not the person you should come to for advice on if you should break up with your fiancé, because the truth is my answer will always be yes. Even if she is perfect for you, which she's not. She is a lying sack of shit that should be thrown out with the rest of the trash. And to answer your eloquently worded statement about two-timing the whore, maybe you should look at why you're doing it. If you're doing it because you are still in love with me maybe she isn't the girl for you." My tirade came to an end quickly when he tripped over air and landed on my bed.

His face contorted in pain. "I am sorry, but I don't know what to do. I want what I feel with you to come from my relationship with her, and sometimes it does, but only when I am reminded of you. I can't get you out of my head Bella."

"Maybe you should go see a shrink then. All I want is for you to be happy, and I'm at the point now where if you think that she is the one that will make you happy go for it, but keep in mind that I am not going to wait around for you anymore. If I find love again, I am not going to run away from it, I am going to embrace it. Make up your mind and think about what you want." I don't know if I was being a bitch or if I was speaking the truth in a not so polite way, is there a difference?

"What now that Jake's back are you going to run into his arms? He is not the right guy for you, and you know it. Please give me some time to think this over." Tears were building in his eyes again. I needed to make him cry for once.

"Jake and I are never going to be a couple. I don't see why you are jealous of him anyways, he's just a friend. As for time you had it, four years of it. Like I said I am not going to run from happiness anymore. If someone comes along that makes me happy, well then I guess you are going to have to fight for me." I can't say I really meant the words, but they sounded good and hopefully they pushed him into action. Maybe a swift kick in the ass was all he needed.

"I understand. I shouldn't be asking you to do this for me. Bells, can we call this fight quits?" He smiled my crooked grin; one I had never seen his use on Tanya.

"Ok, I guess so what did you come here for, besides telling me that you weren't sure what you wanted from me?"

"I wanted to ask you if I could stay the night in here. I want to cuddle." That was a shock.

"Wouldn't that break your whole cheating thing?" I questioned.

"Nope, right now I am a free agent, I can cuddle with a friend," he retorted.

"A friend that you still have romantic feelings for. I highly doubt that it would be the same if you cuddled with Alice."

"Well no, but please?" I can't tell this boy no.

"Fine but your clothes stay on, and you are sleeping in pants."

"Ok," he bounced like a two year old who had been given a cookie and got changed for bed as I did. I can't believe I was doing this.

Does innocent cuddling lead to blood flow to areas of the body that should remain untouched, except by the one you love? Should this cuddling make me feel like lying in bed naked and asking him to take me right then and there? No I didn't think so.

He came back to my room in after a few minutes wearing Guitar hero pajama bottoms and nothing else. "This ok," he asked.

I gulped and tried to push the dirty and very inappropriate thoughts from my mind, "That's fine."

I got under my blankets and felt his body against me for the first time. It felt wonderful. We got into a comfy position, which unfortunately was spooning. I felt my panties dampen. It was at this point I started thinking things about him and Tanya. Do they sleep like this? I couldn't keep the word vomit down, "Edward?"

"What love?" He was still mostly awake, which could be good or bad depending on his reaction.

"Do you and Tanya spoon when you sleep?" Stupid, Bella.

"No I sleep on the couch. Why?" My heart rejoiced and I started to feel like a sex addict. My shower was going to be especially long in the morning.

"Just wondering," I snuggled back into him and successfully ignored the tension that was growing in my nether regions as I feel asleep.

* * *

**End Notes- Ok so I know this chapter was incredibly short, but I hate doing a time jump in the middle of a chapter even if it is a few days. Please forgive me. I got no input on rewriting this story from Edward's point of view so please, please, tell me if you want it. Anyways I should be starting the next chapter today and finishing it up and posting it tomorrow, no promises though, I have the tendency of getting busy.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Song: _I'll Be Missing You- _P. Diddy Ft. Faith Evans

* * *

I woke up a few days later to an empty bed. It didn't surprise me; he was always gone before I woke up. Ironically I slept better when he was in bed with me. Of course it charged my dreams to something that I would rather not mention, and brought me to take a long and very lonely shower in the mornings. I hope that I don't talk in my sleep! That would be embarrassing. I have never shared a bed with anyone before, not even in elementary school when normal little girls have sleepovers, so I have no idea if my dreams make themselves know to the world of the conscious.

This was the day for all of his loved ones to remember Jasper. The loss of him still stung, but I know that my pain was nothing compared to Alice's. The loss of a soul mate is not something that goes away overnight. It eats away at you for months, years even. I will not be surprised if she never gets over him, forever holding onto his memory. I don't know why they say the one for you is the only one who will never make you cry, because I see it as the exact opposite. The one you love makes you cry more then any other person ever could, but the love keeps the bond strong. Edward has made me cry more then I would ever mention out loud, it's even hard to come to terms with it within my head. The tears I shed for him only seem to make me love him more.

My mental monologue continued as I took my shower, and prepared for the day. A long sleeved black dress, no jewelry, minimal makeup, and my chocolate hair cascading in loose waves down my back, was my outfit of choice. I had no need to impress anyone there; they would be grieving as much as I. The house was quiet, even though the family was gathered in it. No one felt like talking much. Who could blame them?

We arrived at the church with a black cloud following us; ironically it was sunny again today. It was almost like Jasper's spirit was following us trying to lighten our lives a little bit. Conversation was nonexistent, the cars were even quieter then the house.

As I walked into the church, I was immediately assaulted with the scent of magnolia and cherry blossoms. The pews were decorated with black silk, and the front of the church was covered in photos of Jasper. There were pictures of him from the time he was first adopted, to the day he left for the last time. I didn't know we had to rent out such a huge chapel; it was only the Cullen's, Charlie, Jake and I. I guess we wanted Jasper's spirit to fill the room.

The ceremony was not going to be a typical funeral service with bible verses and a preacher; mainly it was for all of us to speak our favorite memories of him. I knew Jasper wouldn't want a huge production, just enough to let us finally say goodbye. As I walked towards the front of the church I noticed that there was soft country music playing, and black pillows surrounding a podium. I guess since there was so few of us we were sitting on the floor, not that I was complaining, it felt more intimate for some reason.

Carlisle got up to speak first, "Family, I know we are gathered here for a sad reason, but I hope that this will help us move on. Jasper was far from perfect, but he made the best son I could ask for. His love for everyone, and his empathetic tendencies, made it impossible not to love him. I will miss him greatly." Carlisle paused to wipe the tears from his eyes, and to regain his composure. "I have also thought for the purpose of this ceremony, we will each share one or more of our favorite memories of our beloved family member. The memory that I have chosen is an obvious one, the day when I first met my son."

Carlisle's eyes misted over and he smiled, "I met Jasper when he was nine, at an orphanage in Austin. He was scared, as his parents had just passed away. The lady at the orphanage tried to show Esme and me the younger children first, but none of them seemed to form a bond with us. She led us over to a small boy in the corner with bleach blonde hair and red rimmed eyes. Edward who was two and equally frightened, looked at him and smiled. Edward cried to get down and ran over to Jasper and said brother clear as day. Jasper looked at us, and smiled. All he said was I'm broken and nowhere near perfect, but I can a great brother if given the chance. Edward climbed into his new brother's lap and started to giggle. From that moment I knew he was the perfect addition to our family."

Esme smiled at the memory and stood up to take Carlisle's place in between the pictures of her son. "My favorite and most well remembered memory about my son was the day he asked me if was ok for him to date Alice. He seemed so small and confused. He was my twenty four year old baby again. Alice had just turned eighteen, and he said that he had felt a connection to her from the time she was sixteen but he wanted to wait until she was legally able to make her own decisions. He made me so proud that day. Of course I gave him my permission and from that day on I knew my two babies would be truly happy." As she left the stairs she was crying happy tears at the reliving of the memory.

Emmett got up to speak next. His mood of goofy happiness was infectious. "The memory I want to share is when Jasper introduced me to football. I had just joined the family, and had never played a game in my life. He taught me how to play, and is the main reason for my career. I will miss my brother forever. He gave so much to me, and I feel like I gave him so little." Emmett left the podium, and I couldn't help but look over towards Alice. This had to be the hardest on her. She and Jake were holding hands and she was leaning into him. I'm not quite sure what it meant, but if it made her happy then who was I to question anything.

Rose got up to speak next, her blonde hair billowing behind her. When she arrived at home, she unlike Tanya looked like she had spent time on a plane. It's great to know that she was a real person, unlike Edward's ho-bag fiancé. "Jasper was a great brother towards me. We never spent much time together because he was always doing boy things with his brothers, but he was always there for me. What I remember most is the day he kicked my ex-boyfriends ass." Everyone gasped trust Rose to curse in a church. Esme shot her a warning look. Rose shrugged and moved on to her memory. "Aiden had just broken up with me for unknown reasons, and I felt hurt and used. Jasper took one look at me and left the house. He came back to the house an hour and a half later with a black eye and dried blood on his chin. He said if you think I look bad you should see the other guy, and started laughing. Aiden never gave me any trouble and my bond with Jasper solidified. I loved him, and I wish he was still with us."

Edward's turn was next, "Jasper was an amazing person. I was close to him from the time we first met. We then in turn formed a bond with our other siblings but for a few years it was just him and I. What I chose to share was the memory of our first jam session. Jasper came into the living room with his guitar and sat down on the floor next to me. He told me that my music was beautiful, but some guitar and vocals would make it perfect. Since that day I do not know how many songs we wrote together, but I will miss those times together."

Alice nudged me and I tripped my way up to center stage, suddenly feeling nervous. "I had so little time with Jasper because he was away so much, but he was always a brother to me. My most remembered memory of him is of the days we spent together reading. We would each go and buy a book and read it either sprawled out on the couches or under the sun. We read so many books together, and after we finished we would always have a discussion. We rarely agreed on the book, but always enjoyed the conversation." I made my way back to my pillow blushing furiously. After speaking my part, I knew why everyone else was so vague. It is impossible or damn near to fully explain a memory that means so much to you, but is insignificant to everyone else. Granted I know that Jasper is not insignificant, but it is so hard to describe something like sitting in the sun reading a book, or a jam session.

Charlie got up to speak next. He looked even more nervous then I was. "Jasper was always there for me after my friends died. He would help fill in the hole by going fishing with me and taking me out in the wilderness. I think he is the main reason why I got so close to the family. He was the first to welcome me into your very loving and amazing family." Charlie was never one for words, so I'm surprised he got that much out. I knew he was close to Jasper, and Jasper was as good as a son to him.

Jake let go of Alice's hand and cleared his throat, "By all means I shouldn't be here sharing this with you guys. Thank you so much for getting the opportunity to say goodbye to my friend. We met on the field and he was my major. At first we had a few spats but after the tension wore off, we started talking about why we hated one another. Neither of had a good answer except for some minor money prejudice, and we became quick friends. We watched one another backs and it was the best year and half I could have had in that place. I am forever thankful for Jasper, and I will miss him." Jake brushed the salt away from his eyes as made his way back to the pillow.

Alice decided to go last and she was shining through her tears. "Jasper was so much more to me then a brother. He was whatever I needed at that time in my life. The memory which is always in the forefront of my mind is the night he proposed to me. He was on a two week leave from the army and took me out to the ocean. It was in the dead of winter, but the full moon reflecting off the water and the snow made it perfect. He was controlled but nervous, and I had never felt so happy in my life. I will miss him, but I know he wouldn't want us to stand by grieving him, he would want us to remember him how we are doing now." She moved back down to her spot on the floor and nodded at us to stand up. We all took hands and bowed our heads. Alice spoke again, "Goodbye Jasper, you will be in our hearts forever."

* * *

Hours later the darkness was just beginning to set in. I was in my room wanting to be alone for a little bit. I loved my family, but I needed my private goodbye. I think everyone else did too, because no one had bothered me since I came in here. The loss hurt, but not nearly as bad as moving on without him. Now it felt like he was truly gone. Before it felt like it could be a joke, it didn't feel real. Now I knew he was gone.

I heard a knock and shouted at the trespasser to come in, actually they wouldn't be a trespasser at that would they. Edward walked into my room in his typical bed attire, pajama bottoms and nothing else. I was too lost to even feel my typical reaction. I was already in my shorts and tank top; I didn't feel like staying in my everyday clothes after I got home. "Hey," I said showing my weakness.

"Hey. I figured you would need a friend, and I don't like to be alone in my bed so here I am! Want to cuddle?"

I couldn't help but smile at him. We got under the blankets for an early bedtime, a close to the goodbye that would never be forgotten.

* * *

**End Notes- First things first, thank you to everyone who has reviewed, added, and favorited this story! I remembered, anyways I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm sorry it was kind of a filler and mildly confusing. So I decided to put a list of ages for all the Cullen children in here. Bella- 20 Edward- 22 Alice- 23 Rosealie-24 Emmett- 25 Jasper- 29. I am not sure when the next chapter will be up. I'm not sure if my mom in law will still need to borrow my comp after tomorrow, but if she does please understand the long wait for an update. It will be long for me, like two or three weeks. I know this was a filler chapter, but please review if you have any thoughts about it! Thank you for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Song: I Want You Bad- The Offspring

* * *

The sun was barely peaking over the horizon when the door to my bedroom banged against the wall, leaving a dent. The shrill sound of a woman screaming roused me further from my slumber and caused me to yell into the semi-darkness "Shut up Bitch. Can't you see I'm trying to sleep?" It was at this point that I realized Edward was still in bed with me. He too was grumbling about the rude awaking and pulling the blankets more fully over him. He was a blanket hog.

I opened my eyes and rubbed the sleep from them to see the perfectly curled strawberry blonde hair of my nemesis. Now wasn't I in a compromising situation. She turned her disdain filled eyes away from a snoozing Edward and onto me, "I wouldn't be calling anyone a name right now Bella, you are after all in bed with another girl's fiancé. Which leads me to ask what the flying fuck has been going on here?"

Tanya's whiney, high pitched, squeal of a voice finally sunk into Edward's mind and he sat up with a start. "Tanya, what the hell?" He is just as grumpy as me in the morning, and not very articulate.

"I came here to find you to see why you haven't been returning my phone calls for the past day, and I find you in bed half naked with a girl that is supposed to be like a sister to you. Does everyone in your family have a thing for their siblings? Is that why you mom was only able to pop out one of the inbred freaks? Fucking hell."

Edward spoke trying to defuse the situation. I knew he still cared and I could understand why he was trying to rectify his relationship with the whore. "Hon, we were just cuddling. I didn't want to sleep alone after Jasper's funeral, and Bella wasn't in much better shape. As for me being half naked you know I sleep in just boxers, but I put on pants to share a bed with someone else."

"Ok, I still don't see why didn't call. Do you have something going on with her?"

"Tan, no. I would never cheat on you, even though at the current moment you shouldn't even be in my house as you insulted my family, and on top of that you came in here and insulted them again. I know you're angry but this is between the two of us. You do not need to call my mother names, nor anyone else. If you cannot stop yourself from these negative thoughts, our separation will be permanent."

Tanya's face contorted into something of understanding and smiled. It was at this point, in dim morning light I realized that she really was lying. Her smile was as fake as her chest. "I understand. Sorry, it was just a shock to see you in the bed with someone else. The entire time I have known you, you have slept alone. Why don't you ever sleep with me?"

Edward rolled his eyes towards me and smiled the sweetest smile he could muster at that point and time, "Sweetie, I don't share a bed with you because I am worried that you will molest me in my sleep. Now please leave the key I gave you on the dresser and leave the premises. I will not hesitate to call the cops if I find you anywhere near my house again. You are not welcome at the moment." Edward's anger shown through, and it almost felt like he hated her.

Tanya growled dropped the key on my dresser and spoke as she left, "Aren't you going to go back to your own bed?"

"No, I'm quite comfy here and I am not doing anything wrong besides helping a friend through a tough time. If you have a problem with me loving my family, then maybe I really should reconsider your move in next week." I love it when he stands up for himself it makes him so sexy.

She threw her hands up in frustration as she left the room. She stomped her way to the front door and made sure it slammed when she left. I turned to Edward waiting for him to say something I was at a loss for words. I didn't know whether to be pissed at him, or if I should give him a hug. "Sorry Bella, I should have told you she was coming back next week. I want you to know though that I am still deciding on what I should do."

"Umm ok," I said noticing something hard in my lower back I noticed that since she left, he had taken back our original position of spooning. I moved to try move it and Edward groaned.

"Shit," I heard him say as he bolted from my room. I heard the water from his on-suite bathroom and dirty thoughts resurfaced in my mind. I don't think I'll make it to the shower today, I thought as I drifted into oblivion.

* * *

Meanwhile…..

Across town an Acura pulled in front of a run down apartment complex. A beautiful woman with hair like strawberry champagne stepped out of the car and made her way to the top floor. Her ice blue glistened with determination. She pulled out her keys and unlocked the door to a dingy studio apartment.

"Fucking bitch," she screamed to no one in particular.

"What babe," a man with straw colored hair stepped from the shadows.

"She is ruining everything. Why couldn't she have moved on like a good little pawn and forgot about all the *love* and *happiness* she shared with him. It is damn near impossible to use my plan with her hanging all over him constantly. She is pathetic like a lost little puppy."

"Tanya, true love is impossible to break, you know that. That's why we are together, even though you go out and cheat on me constantly. Now you just need to rethink your plan." The man moved towards Tanya, and scooped her into a passionate hug, which turned into a kiss that could be seen in a centerfold.

"James your right, so what do we do now?" She questioned him, looking with love into his eyes.

"We get her out of the picture; it won't be too hard once you are back in the house. After we get her away from him, then we can get back to the plan."

The couple laughed and continued plotting the demise of a young and beautiful heroine.

* * *

"Edward you never told me why you left the army." He was back in my bed the awkwardness of the morning fading from our memories, becoming replaced with feelings of lust, at least in my case.

"That's a story that is hard to tell." Edward replied, I thought he had a medical problem. Why would a medical problem be hard to talk about?

"I'm here for comfort," I told him. "I don't really care what it is. I just want to know why you had to give up on one of your dreams."

"I know, here it goes. I was newly stationed in Fort Sam when Eric joined my crew. He was a slight boy, with a big smile and a positive outlook. We quickly became friends. One day we were supposed to be running ten miles and I knew he would have a hard time completing it. I talked him into trying, and about two miles in he started to complain of a mild headache. I made the stupid decision, and told him to suck it up. By the time we passed the three mile marker he was winded and collapsed by my feet. I forced him back up, and we took it easy the next seven miles. As soon as we crossed the finish line, he passed out. His pulse was gone. He died there on the pavement, and I still blame myself. The strain on his heart killed him."

"After the incident, the officials called me into an office and told me that I was going to have to suck up the pain. We lose members in active duty daily and some of them are bound to be your friend. I tried and couldn't they discharged me because of mental distress and incapability to deal with the stress. After that I decided that a less violent field would be better for me."

"Wow," was all I could get out.

"I guess business is just as ruthless though, just in a different way. Big corporations monopolize everything, while the underdog suffers. Jobs are being exported, and there is nothing that American workers can do about it. I am lucky for my job even if I have to go back tomorrow." I could tell he needed to get this off his chest so I let him continue to ramble on. "My thoughts are so disorganized right now, sorry. Thinking about Eric always makes me a little scared. His life ended so fast, it makes me realize just how sensitive our lives are. I relive that day every time it is mentioned," I opened my mouth to apologize but he cut me off. "Bella, its not you fault you didn't know. You have the right to know, and I feel better now that I have told someone. No one else knows but you. I couldn't bring myself to tell Tanya; somehow I didn't think she would understand."

"So why didn't you talk to me, or anyone else for the matter after you left? It was almost like you disappeared off the face of the earth." The question had been eating away at me for the longest time.

"That one's easier to answer. I felt like a failure, and was going to stop at nothing until I gave you and my family something to be proud of. Bella, I couldn't talk to you because I felt like a loser. You deserved and still deserve so much better then me. I failed at our relationship once, making a terrible decision. I failed at protecting my country, and I failed at staying completely faithful to my fiancé. I am scum."

"Edward, do not say things like that. You didn't fail me because you did what you thought was best at the time. You didn't fail your country because you tried and made the decision that you are not cut out to be a soldier. As far as being faithful to the half woman you call your fiancé, you have been. Most men do worse things at their bachelor parties, but all you did was give me a kiss." He was a good man, nearly perfect there is absolutely no reason for him to beat himself up over the things he has done wrong.

"I wish I could see it that way love."

"You should, you have not failed. You have a job most college graduates would kill for. That comes from hard work. You have compassion for the world, which is why you were not a good soldier. You saw the person behind the gun. If that is a part of you, military officials can't even smack it out." I told him. He needed to understand he was a good man, a man worthy of my attention. He deserved someone who was an equal to him, not a bimbo who could only provide offspring and good sex.

"Bells, you make a good point. I need your opinion on something. I am inviting Tanya back into the house next week, and I want to know if you are ok with it." It made me happy that he cared about my opinion.

"I guess we will have less time together as friends. I think that it will be positive. If you are around her, it might be easier to make your decision." My real thoughts, of course were if she's here it will be easier for her to make a mistake. It will be easier to catch her in a lie. I hope she still views me as a friend, which will make plotting her fall from grace easier.

"I will talk to the rest of the family and see how they feel about the situation. If they have a similar answer as you then she will back on Monday." Joy.

* * *

Edward slept in his own room that night. After he left me in the cold emptiness, I decided to seek out Alice. We hadn't exchanged more then a few sentences since the loss of Jasper. I knocked on her door, "Come in, Bella."

I opened the door to see Alice in Jake's lap. It looked friendly, but I could see the friendship quickly turning into something more. I knew little of what to say, she had lost Jasper about a week ago and it seemed like she was already moving on. This called for some serious girl time.

"Jake, why don't you go downstairs and play the 360 with Emmett. Bella and I need to have some girl time." Jake nodded at Alice and padded down the stairs.

"Alice, you guys sure looked cozy. What's going on?" Bluntness is my strong point.

"I could say the same thing about you and my brother, four nights of cuddling. Is something going on with you two?" Curse her intuitiveness.

"No, not yet, but you didn't answer my question. Do you and Jake have some sort of connection?"

"I feel drawn to him, but there is nothing going on between us at the moment besides innocent cuddles and talk. It could change in the future, I'm not denying it, but right now we are just friends. He is helping me out through a tough time. He understands that I do not want another relationship right now, and he is supportive. If something starts to change I will let you know." Makes sense, I guess. If Edward had just died I would be crying on Jake's shoulder.

"It's a little weird, but I guess I understand. Sao how have you been dealing with everything? I'm sorry I haven't talked to you."

"I am doing fine, Jake is helping, and you are busy trying to get Edward away from super skank. Don't worry about me, worry about yourself. I will be fine with everything. O and watch out for yourself, Tanya is up to something, I heard her grumbling about it on her way out. She doesn't trust you." Great best friends with my biggest enemy is failing miserably.

"Great, so Alice, do you think Jake is cute?" With that question Alice and I launched ourselves into hours of nail polish, boys, clothes, and plotting to get rid of Tanya. Life was slowly returning to normal, minus the loss of a loved one, an old enemy becoming a friend, and a new enemy trying to weasel her way into the family.

* * *

**End Notes- Thank you for reading, adding, reviewing, and enjoying. This chapter is one of my favorites, it brings forth a lot of emotions, and gives you guys on how big of a bitch Tanya is. She will get what is coming to her, don't worry! Also Jake and Alice will not be a couple in this story, in the sequel if I write it they will be. The sequel is still up in the air right now. Thoughts if you want it let me know, it will be full of drama and a return from a character from the past. Review if you want too, or if you have something to say. Nikki**


	8. Chapter 8

"I want to ask you for your input on Tanya moving back into the house," Edward asked the family at the meeting he called. "I know most of you do not like her, but I would like her back here to let me know I am making the right decision no matter what way I go."

Silence took over my family and they looked at him. Emmett finally broke the silence, "I never met the broad, but hey if you want her back in the house I'm not going to say no. If it will help you decide to get rid of her then I say go for it."

Rose spoke next, "I agree with Emmett. You should move her back in to see if she can fit in with us, and if she can redeem herself. If she can do neither then you should rethink your relationship with her. I am letting you know now though, I will probably never be her friend, and I think you have a perfectly good girl here who your family approves of." I smiled at her, she supporting me. I think we should clue her into Alice's plan.

Alice grumbled out her response next, "It will be easier for her to mess up if she's here, bring her back. I will play nice." Her plotting face took over and I started to giggle. Once she's back we can put the plan back into action.

"If she can apologize sincerely, then she can come back into my home. I do not like the girl, but I am biased. If she is willing to live us without insults and degrading us then she can stay here." Carlisle told us.

Esme concluded the family's opinion, "What she said hurt me. I would rather she not come back into my home, but if she can prove herself worthy of my son again, I suppose it is the only way. I am wish you would cut her loose Edward, but I understand if you love her, she should come back. She deserves a fair chance. However, if she messes up again, she will never be welcome back in my home."

"Mom, if she insults a family member again, I will kick her to the curb. She messed up, and she knows it. I will not stay with a woman who treats my family like garbage. Thank you for this opportunity." Edward replied.

"Edward, do you even love her? She doesn't seem right for you, and I think you feel it too." Alice asked him.

"Allie, I'm honestly not sure," Was his answer.

So that was the verdict, Tanya was moving back into the house. Everyone agreed unanimously, though I'm sure it wasn't because they liked her. I think they all wanted her to mess up and ruin any future she had with Edward. I had faith that she would mess it up, and with her at the house I was going to be able to prove it.

* * *

Alice and I were sitting in her bedroom replotting when Rose came into the room. "I hate the bitch already. What are you guys doing about it?"

I took the liberty of answering, "We aren't sure at the moment. We are trying to devise a plan in which she forces herself flat on her face, but that doesn't seem to be working. In all honesty she could just keep her mouth shut and block herself off. I was thinking maybe we could a baby monitor in her room, so we can hear all her plans."

"I don't agree with the baby monitor though, she could easily find it, and I do want to give Edward some privacy." Alice chipped in.

"I like the baby monitor idea, but we should also put a tape recorder next to it. We need to record what she says as well as hear it. Bella it will be in your room, you are the only one who can get away with it. Also you are the only one with a decent lock. Alice and I will play best friends with her, like you are going to do. She needs to trust us." Rosalie had the vindictiveness that Alice and I lacked, she also could give a fuck less if she was caught, she was on a mission to save her brother from the evil wench.

"When do we buy it?" I asked my sisters.

"Now, and we make sure it works. Edward is at the office until six that leaves us four hours to find a good hiding place, and a good tape recorder." Rose answered.

It must have looked funny, the three of us walking into Target dressed in true designer clothes, looking like celebrities. Lucky for us no one recognized who we were until after we paid for the monitor and recorder. People trapped us as we made our way to the Hummer and took our picture. I hope they make a pretty penny off of it. Someone deserves some good luck.

We got to the house and set up the equipment, if it would have been anyone else I would have felt bad about spying on them. Tanya had hurt my family, she was taking away Edward, and above all she was up to something. I hope my plan doesn't backfire this time around, if it does I'm not sure what I'll do.

* * *

That night Edward came to my room again. He hadn't slept with me since the morning Tanya burst into my room. "Bella, tonight is my last night as a free man for a while. Do you mind if I spend it with you?"

Of course I didn't mind; why the hell do men have to be so slow? All I wanted was to spend the night in his arms. I wanted more too. I think he did as well but I could never tell. He was good at hiding his emotions. I knew he loved me because he told me. I knew he was unsure about Tanya, because of how he spoke about her, and to her. I didn't know what was running through his head though and I don't think I ever will. I hope my plan works. If it doesn't, then my family will be unhappy forever.

I nodded at him in response to his question. He walked further into my room clad in his Rock Band sleep pants and nothing else. I missed his warmth. "Edward, tonight you can sleep how you normally would. I know nothing will happen between us. If it was going to it would have happened already."

He gave me a smile and tore off the bottoms. He then jumped onto my pillow topped mattress and got under my blankets. I laughed at his childish antics and had to ask, "What's up with you tonight? You seem clingy. I don't know how to describe it but you are almost regressing in age."

"Love, I do not want to let you go, and if things go well with my, *gag* fiancé, then I will never have the chance to be with you again." What the hell?

That lead me to ask the only question that came to mind, "Edward, have you been drinking?"

I noticed the slight slur in his words when he answered. "Just a little, only a couple Heineken's. I needed a slight pick me up." Edward never drank, and when he did, he became a goof ball. I remember the time in high school when we went to a party and he drank for the first time. After downing three shots, he put a lamp shade on his head and asked everyone to call him Desperado Sanchez. After that escapade hit YouTube, he rarely drank.

"So you're drinking and crawling into my bed, nice hon. Do you want a bacon sandwich and a glass of water?"

"Nope, I like to be buzzed. I can forget about the woman that is ruining my life and focus on you. You are the true love of my life." Great now he is mumbling bullshit.

"You know you care about her Edward. Are you sure you want to stay in here tonight?"

"Yeppers, my lovely. Can you get me another beer? Hell, you can have one too, and we can be goofy together! That sounds like fun, please Bella."

"Edward, we made this pact in high school we never get drunk together. It leads to bad things like Desperado Sanchez, and getting arrested for public nudity. No I am not drinking with you, but I will lie in bed."

He pouted, but forgot about the beer he asked me for and patted the bed next to him. I regretted letting him sleep nearly nude. "You smell so good. You smell like Bella, mixed with Burberry and Pantene." He told me as I snuggled next to him. "Get under the covers. You are warm and cozy, like a favorite blanket. I want to immerse myself in your warmth." Well at least he wasn't that far gone, he could still form an intelligent sentence.

I got under the covers and started to spoon with him. I think I am going to need a strong beer buzz going to even get through this night. It will shut my conscious up at least.

As we continued to spoon he started to kiss my head. A stronger woman would have gotten out of bed, a stronger woman would have told him to stop. I am not that strong, how can you tell someone to stop something that feels so good?

I turned to face him; I needed on answer before I got up and slept on the couch. "Edward, are you going to regret this in the morning? Are you going to wish that whatever happens tonight never happened and hide from me? If you are I am leaving the room, but if you can live with yourself, and understand that at this moment you are a single and free man then by all means continue with your plans."

He kissed me on the mouth, a closed mouth kissed with passion. Passion only seen in movies and cheesy romance novels. "Bella, I will never regret anything that happens between the two of us." He moved his lips to mine, and pushed me on my back. The kiss was nothing he had ever given me before. It held everything, longing, regret, fear, passion, and love. He pressed his tongue into my mouth. He kept it soft, but passionate. This was about love, not sex.

Edward started to sing as he continued to pepper kisses up and down my face and neck.

"_Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor,  
Reaching for the phone cuz' I can't fight it anymore,  
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind,  
For me it happens all the time."_

"_It's a quarter after one,  
I'm all alone,  
And I need you now,  
Said I wouldn't call, but I lost all control  
And I need you now,  
And I don't know how I can do without,  
I just need you now"_

"_Another shot of whiskey,  
Can't stop looking at the door  
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before,  
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind,  
For me it happens all the time"_

"_It's a quarter after one,  
I'm a little drunk and I need you now,  
Said I wouldn't call, but I lost all control,  
And I need you now,  
And don't know how I can do without,  
I just need you now"_

"_Yes I'd rather hurt then feel nothing at all,  
It's a quarter after one,  
I'm all alone and I need you now,  
I said I wouldn't call, but I'm a little drunk  
And I need you now  
And I don't know how I can do without,  
I just need you now  
I just need you now,  
O baby I need you now,"_

His song brought tears to my eyes. It hit close to my heart. His voice is smooth like velvet, he can sing better then I could ever dream of, and he brings a hope to my life that I have never experienced before. He deepened another kiss on mouth and I looked him in the eye. "Edward, you aren't very drunk at all, are you?"

"Not really. Just buzzed. I feel like I am going crazy. The only thing the beer did was take away some of the mental block I have on doing what I want to do. I am a free man, and I know for a fact while she was gone she was with someone else. I called her cell and a man answered. I know cheating is wrong, but I have come to terms with the fact she is not my fiancé right now. She is just a girl I was thinking about marrying. I am not sure she is even the right one."

I was speechless and he took advantage of it. He pressed his lips to mine again. This kiss seemed different, hungrier. He pressed himself on me, letting me feel his arousal. It spiked something in me, and I could feel the wetness spill through my shorts.

He started to grind against me and touched my breast. I immediately took off my shirt leaving me exposed to him for the first time. His mouth moved from my neck to my chest. He pressed his lips to my bare nipple and swirled his tongue around it. It shot lightning straight to my care and I moaned softly into his toned shoulder.

He lifted his mouth from me and smiled. I looked at him for the first time since he came home. His muscles were toned, not bulging like Jake's or Emmett's. His hair was even more of a sexy disaster, from my hands, and his eyes were shining. The brilliant green orbs held love. I searched them for even one once of regret and when I found none, I flipped him over.

I kissed my way from his forehead down to his boxers. I looked at his face, and he nodded. I gently slid them off and kissed my way down to his penis. I took his length in my palm and started stroking. His groans of pleasure filled the room and I lost myself to them. After stroking I used my mouth. I slowly licked from base to tip and then, opened to let him in. His moans grew deeper, and then he spoke. "Bella, stop." I did, and continued to stroke. He shuttered and came.

I moved to the side not expecting anything from him, he let us get intimate. That's more then I could ever hope for. Even if he married the slut of the world I knew I could die happy, we had a moment. One night that would forever stand out in the forefront of my mind. A night that I could tell my girlfriends about. It was a night that made me feel complete for the first time in nearly half a decade.

After he came down from his high, he was back on top of me. I finally came to the fact how bad off I was. I was shaking from arousal. My shorts were clinging to my thighs from dampness, and I couldn't do anything but look at him and smile. I could take care of myself later. His hand moved down from my breast, how did it get there? He placed his hand at my waistband and looked at me for approval. I smiled at him, my eyelids heavy from hormones, and I was naked for the first time with him in my bed.

He moved his face down to my core and started sucking. It shot lighting, an electric shock through my body. No other man had ever touched me in this way. He tongue touched the bundle of nerves, and I heard how loud my moans were. I gripped his hair in my hands, and turned my head into the pillow to try and stifle the sounds of ecstasy that were flowing freely. "Bella, I want to see your face," he spoke half to me, half to the private place he was playing with. The vibrations brought me closer to pure satisfaction. He added a finger inside me, and focused his tongue on my clit. I felt my self tighten in anticipation. I was so close now. I looked down and met his eyes. They were shining with happiness and love. He put on a smirk, and hit a spot inside me while simultaneously nipping me. The sensations were too much and I went forward into oblivion.

His hand stayed in me while I rode the final waves of my orgasm, and he was back at my side. "Bella, I love you." Was all I heard before I fell asleep. That night I dreamed of our wedding.

* * *

**End Notes- This chapter wrote itself, in most ways. It did not turn out how I expected it too, but I have to say I like the change of plans. I hope you like it too. This is my first lemon, so if you like it let me know. I know it probably seems pretty weird how Edward was drunk and then seemed to sober up. It happened to my fiancé last weekend, when we drank together for the first time. Anyways, the song in this chapter if you didn't recognize it is "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum. It just seemed perfect. The next chapter will be up sometime in the next days to weeks depending on how much time I have. So to conclude this random and poorly thought out author's note, thank you to everyone who has added, favorite and reviewed. Also I would like to give out shout outs to my loyal reviewers, if you want me too leave you approval in the review. Please review if you feel like it, I enjoy them and try to reply in a timely manner.**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Song: _Whiskey Lullaby- _Brad Paisley and Allison Krasse?

* * *

I woke up to a kiss on my forehead. "Bye, Bella. I love you," was all I heard before my bedroom door closed and the cold that goes with loneliness consumed me. I fought back tears as I made my way to the shower. I let the tears go once I got in the water, letting the steam mask my pain.

After my shower, I turned on the baby monitor. I know spying is wrong without a purpose, but I couldn't help it. I immediately heard Alice's voice, "Edward, why the hell are you so slow? You know you love Bella, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt she is the girl you want to be with. Why the fuck are you trying to play this game with Tanya?"

Maybe she can get a straight answer out of him. Lord knows I can't. "I am scared, ok. If I mess up with Tanya, then it won't hurt. Yes, she is not the person I truly want to be with, but I promised myself to her. She deserves a fair chance to prove she is the one for me."

"What are you scared of? Bella loves you more then you could ever imagine, she loves you so much she is willing to let you marry Tanya if she is a good match for you. I know you love her just as much, you told me in all the letters you sent." At least one of us was able to keep in contact with the elusive creature known as Edward.

"Bella has the ability to hurt me. I can't turn away from her once I get back into a relationship with her. I am scared of losing her; I am scared that she won't love me back. I am scared that she will run away screaming, once she doesn't have competition. I think she views me as an ass now, hell I cheated on my fiancé with her, and have no regrets. I want to do it again." Alice cut him off.

"Pull your head out of your testosterone filled ass and look. Bella has stood by you more then Tanya ever would. I think your problems stem from the fact you are mad at yourself. If you would have kept sending me messages the last two years you would have know that she was waiting for you. You know that no other guy has ever turned her head? Ya, she dated, probably more then you could imagine, but unlike you she would never settle for some loser to take your place. Grow up and listen to your heart." I turned off the monitor at this point. I didn't want to hear anymore. It hurt to hear him say that he wasn't good enough for me, and he would rather suffer then spend his life with me. Why do guys have to be morons?

I walked downstairs to prepare the arrival of my nemesis. She would be there is about an hour, and I needed some nail polish to keep us busy in the living room. I didn't want to record my conversation with her today. It just didn't feel right; I guess my spidey sense was tingling. Hopefully she will march right back into the house and resume our friendship like nothing happened. A girl can dream right?

I chose her favorite shade of hooker red and a blackish purple for myself, then I made some omelets. The family loved my omelets. The front door slammed, and the screech of Tanya's voice followed, "Hey everyone, where are you?" God, I really, really hate this woman.

Carlisle and Esme were the only ones who didn't answer Tanya's call; they were out shopping for groceries. The rest of us pilled into the living room slowly to see her gorgeous, though demonic face. "Oh, there are more of you." Was the first thing she said. Way to go earning your trust back bitch.

"Hello Tanya," Rosalie said is a fake sweet voice that even Tanya could tell was false. "It's such a pleasure to meet the person that has insulted my loved ones. I hope you have learned your lesson. I'm Rosalie by the way; I heard you were looking forward to meeting me."

Tanya's mouth fell open, and she stared. There goes her dream. I almost started laughing. I wanted to say: Next time you insult someone's family, make sure they are not your connection into the industry you want to work in. I couldn't of course but damn would it have sounded pretty.

"Hi, Rose. It's such an honor to meet you. Later you must tell me about your job and the best way to break into it." Damn Tanya was stupid; I highly doubt Rose is going to help her out.

"Of course, I love training my competition. Maybe later I can tell you the best way to contract an STD and hope you follow my advice. That's the only way you are going to reach my level of fame. Maybe I can teach you how to write too, and then you can write a book on how terrible your life is." I love you Rose you are my hero.

Tanya puffed up like a blow fish and prepared an equally catty retort. Unfortunately for her Edward walked into the room at that moment and Rose took the liberty of speaking again. "Now Tanya, I'd swallow that answer, we all know that you are on thin ice, if you want to be a part of this family, you can't break it." My chest hurt from holding in my laughter.

Emmett introduced himself next, "Hey, Tanya. I would say nice to meet you but due to the circumstances, I can't. I'm Emmett and you should know that I don't like you. You will probably earn my trust faster then anyone else though. I don't hold grudges." Rose snorted and Edward smiled.

Edward moved and gave Tanya a nauseating hug. I had to hold back my gag. I guess I won't be eating my omelets now. "Well there are omelets in the kitchen but I'm not hungry. Rose I made yours special, egg whites no cheese and veggies loaded." Rose smiled at me and left Tanya, Alice, and I alone.

"Tanya you want to catch up over nail polish?" I asked her staring at Alice, what was she planning.

Tanya looked a little scared and replied, "Of course. I love spending girl time with you Bella." Shoot me.

"Ladies mind if I join?" Alice asked, she knows she needs to be nice, right?

"Not at all," Tanya and I replied at the same time. So why is Alice hanging with us? She is angrier with her then I am. Tanya did after all insult her dead significant other.

"Good, I brought my own color," Alice pulled out a pretty turquoise bottle and winked at me. She is my backup, if she says something screwy I know Edward will believe both of us.

"Bella, I'm sorry about the last time I saw you. I was just sooo shocked, Edward always sleeps alone. Nothing happened right?" Starting already with the hard questions are we?

"Of course not, we just needed comfort after losing our brother. I'm pretty sure Alice slept in the bed with our good friend Jake, right Alice," I love having a psychic best friend.

"I did, and we all know that I was in no state to be doing anything sexual. Bella and Edward were in the same state of mind as the rest of us, I could see why they wanted to not be alone."

"I guess I understand, if I were to lose someone I care about I wouldn't want to be alone either. So what's Rosalie's deal? Is she always this mean? If she is she puts new meaning to diva."

"That's just Rose," I answered. "She doesn't like anyone new until she gets to know them, she is a strange girl. I can't help but love her though. So Tanya do you have any siblings?" I can't remember if I had asked her this before.

"O yes, a brother named Eric. He died though while in the army. That's actually what brought Edward and me together, they were friends." O fuck I know she is lying now, at least I think she is. I looked at Alice and she told me to press further, can do twin can do.

"Were you close?" I couldn't think of anything else to ask, I need some of Rose's I don't give a fuck attitude.

"Not really, not as close as you guys are."

Alice pushed further, "Are you sure, what was your favorite memory of him?" You go girl.

"He was more school and politics oriented. We never really hung out, but I do remember him beating up my first boyfriend. That was our finest moment." Tanya looked scared like she had let something slip, she did and we are one her now. "Well guys my nails are done, I'm going to be going and spending some time with Edward."

"Sure thing hon. if you want to talk we will be here," Alice answered.

As Tanya disappeared so did Alice's fake smile, "That was torture. I can't believe I am trying to be nice to that useless sack of flesh. Oh well once we figure out what she is up to then we can get her out of the picture. She is a lying bitch. She told you she and Edward met at school, in a class. Wonder what the truth is."

"I'll find out tonight. I am going to take a walk with him to talk about last night; I suppose you already know what happened."

"Yep, and I know you heard our conversation too, you should have listened to all of it, you would have learned the trick to winning him back. Anyways, I am going to see Jake. I think I am starting to like him as more then a friend, but I'm not sure. I guess we will see as time goes on. O and I already turned on the tape recorder; we should get something juicy while you are out." Alice told me as we bounced out of the room.

O we will get something this is going to be easier then I thought.

* * *

I decided to take a walk with Edward to our meadow. It was sunny, again. The sun felt better placed this go around. As we walked I contemplated taking his hand. I knew it would push his boundaries however, so I decided against it. We walked in silence, as we often did. We reserved our conversations for a time when we could look one another in the eye and read them.

Edward had the blanket slug over his shoulder, and I had a basket with strawberries in it. I figured we would a need a snack with all the conversation we were going to do. Plus I really wanted to catch Tanya in her lies. She needed to face the fire so to speak.

We got to our special spot and sat across from one another. "Bella, do you think any less of for what happened last night?" What the hell happened to beating around the bush? I am getting tired of bluntness.

"No I don't. I am happy it happened and if nothing ever happens between us I will still feel complete. It meant everything to me just to have one night with the man I love." That felt good to get off my chest.

"Good, so no awkwardness? I want you to look at me the same. I'm sorry I can't be more for you."

I decided to ignore the statement; I didn't know what to say. "Edward, I may have asked this before, but I don't think I have. How did you and hoe- I mean Tanya meet?"

He laughed softly, "No I don't believe you asked, but hoe- I mean Tanya and I met in class. She needed a tutor. I couldn't say no to helping someone out." Just what I figured. Bitch was lying.

"Does she have any siblings?" Hey I want to know if she was lying about that too.

"She does have a twin brother that was disowned by the family, so she doesn't like talking about him. I never pushed her very far about it though. What's with this sudden interest in Tanya?"

How do I answer that one, oh nothing much I am just plotting the fall of the evil princess. I think she's lying to you, so I just wanted to get the facts straight. "I was just wondering. I know so little about her, and if all works out horribly then I am going to have to love her."

"Bella, I am sorry. I know it's hard but, we need to move on if we have to. I am still undecided. I can't seem to make the right decision. I just don't know what to do."

I couldn't help myself. I launched myself at him. I placed my lips to his and forced my tongue into his mouth. "Edward, you are telling me that you are willing to give up this. The love we share, the moments we have had together for her. She isn't worth losing me; I can't keep quiet while you ruin your life. She isn't with you for love she is out to ruin you. I don't have the proof yet, or anything, but I know that is what she is doing. I'm sorry I am throwing myself at you, but you won't be happy with her. She is a lying skank. She doesn't make you happy."

"Bella, I am starting believe that. Just give me a little bit more time, and I will be sure."

"I hope you are still in one piece when she gets done with you Edward. She is not worth your time, energy or caring. I sincerely hope that you come to your senses soon." I took off after I said that. I don't know what came over me; maybe Rose's influence is finally wearing off on me.

After I got home I drove over to Charlie's. I couldn't take being near Edward or Tanya for much longer. They were slowly tearing me apart. As I walked up the front steps I could sense something was wrong. The house was too quiet and Jake was inside alone with my father. I thought Alice was over here.

"Hey boys, how's the bachelor pad?" I asked in good humor as I walked through the door.

I took notice of Jake immediately; his eyes were rimmed with red. Charlie was sitting on the chair across from the T.V. staring blankly at it. Oh shit, something is going on, something bad.

"Bells, I have something to tell you. I know that you are probably really upset, and this isn't the best time to tell you. I can't keep anything from you, and I want to know that I love you." Dad told me as he turned to me. I took a seat on the couch. "Bella, I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer today. It is in the later stages and I probably won't make it until Christmas."

"But it's already July! Can't they do something for you? Anything? Dad I can't lose you too!" My heart fell to my feet and I started crying. My dad was the only blood family I had left. Everyone else was gone.

"Bella, it's my time. Please, don't cry, look out for yourself. You will be fine; you have the Cullen's and Jake. You have people; you don't need an old man." I blocked out his ramblings and cried.

Jake pulled me into his lap. I cried for an unknown amount of time, until I heard the door open. Alice looked at me and nodded towards Jake. "Bella, how do you feel about a night of drinking? You need to forget about all this."

"Ok," I said. I didn't want to go home, or stay here. I wanted to run away. I needed to get away from all this pain, everything that has happened these past few months was tearing me apart, ripping a whole into my stomach. I could barely stand without collapsing inwardly; I just hoped Alice had already made the reservations. I can't take this town anymore.

* * *

I fell asleep as soon as I got in the Hummer. I didn't care where we went as long as it was far away from the memories that this place was holding. I know its bad to run from your memories, but it's also bad to stay and suffer.

I woke from a dream where I lay on the ground screaming to the towering white front of the Cullen house in Forks. "Alice, I thought the point of this adventure was to run from the pain, not go back to where it all started. Why did you bring me to this town?" I was almost angry.

"This will help; you will close enough to deal, but far enough away to forget. Here have a beer," Alice said as she handed me a Heineken. It was the only beer that wasn't completely repulsive to me.

I drank down the beer in gulps. Quicker then I had ever done before, I can't be sober right now. "Bella, slow down, we don't need you getting sick. Drink slow." I rolled my eyes to her and grabbed another drink from the six pack in her hand. I don't think she is drinking tonight.

Fifteen minutes after the first beer hit me; I was slurring and having a hard time standing straight. Shortly after that the other two hit. I know its weird, but I was being somewhat mindful of how much I was drinking. I could barely stand straight and I was happy for the first time all day. "Alice lets go into town, I want tacos."

She sighed and grabbed her keys. We headed towards Forks, and went straight to Taco Bell. Once we got there Alice changed her mind and went to the Burger King across the way. "I wanted tacos," I whined.

"Tough shit, you are getting something light with bacon on it. We need some help metabolizing that alcohol before I go to jail for giving a minor booze." I grumbled at her and started yelling obscenities out the window.

On our way out the drive through, I spotted someone from the past, "Mike, hey Newton come 'ere," I slurred out at him. He trotted over and Alice stopped the car bitching about something. Well its either drunken Bella, or depressed Bella. She gave me the booze so she must want me drunk.

"Hey Bella, wow I haven't seen you since graduation. Alice pretty as always, so where you off to?"

"Her, old house come. We need someone else there." Alice looked at me and grumbled again I was sure she was going to kill me in the morning, if my head didn't first.

* * *

Alice's Point of View

Bella is sticking her out the window yelling random things at passing cars as we head back to the house. Lovely. She ate about half her bacon cheeseburger, which should stay down as long as she doesn't drink anymore. She is so wasted right now. I shouldn't have let her drink, but what can I do? She normally doesn't have more then a beer and a half, tonight she doubled it. She drank them in quick succession, to get herself drunk. I'm worried about her.

I know I should call Edward and get him down here before she does anything stupid, but that would defeat the purpose of taking her away from the pain. I thought Forks would be a good escape, but I guess I was wrong. Maybe she'll have an epiphany tonight and learn what she needs to do. She most likely won't, but hey that's just Bella. She has no sense in guys.

Once we get to the house, I pull Newton aside. I never liked him, but he needs to be trusted while I give Edward a call. "Mike, I know you are thinking that tonight you will finally get into her pants, trust me you won't. She is not interested, or at least she isn't sober. She has enough going on without having to regret a one night stand with a high school classmate."

The kid nodded and went inside to hopefully watch and take care of my drunken best friend and almost sister. I dialed the number and Edward picked up immediately. "Hello, Alice what's going on?" Well at least he is intuitive.

"We are at our old place in Forks, Bella is shit faced and I am worried about her. I don't know what to do. How soon can you be here?" He is going to yell at me now.

"WHY THE HELL IS BELLA DRUNK? WHAT'S GOING ON? You have a lot of explaining to do sis." He yelled until he felt he got his point across.

"Sheash, he father was just diagnosed with terminal cancer, only a few weeks after her brother dies. The love of her life is all set to marry someone she hates, and someone who is lying to everyone. She needs a night off, but she needs you to help keep her sane. She had too much in a too short period of time. Three drinks in twenty minutes. You know she never drinks that much to begin with." Please don't kill me.

"I'll be there in an hour and a half, keep her safe. Make her drink a lot of water and eat some bacon. I'll talk to her when she sobers up," He hung up the phone after he finished, letting me call Rose.

"Rose, Bella and I won't be home tonight sleep in her room."

"Ok, I will baby sit the tape recorder. We can't have her finding it. Talk to you tomorrow, I won't leave until she does." I could hear the sick enjoyment streaming from her lips. That girl was twisted.

After I made the necessary phone calls I went back into the house to find Bella half naked on top of Mike. Fuck. "Bella, stop."

"Why Alice? He's the only one who wants me. Why can't I do something with him?" She slurred out.

"Yes, Alice why? She's a big girl who can make her own decisions. Why don't you back off?" Mike growled at me. That was it.

"Bella, do you want to lose your virginity to someone who could give a crap less about your feelings or do you want to wait? Last I knew you were waiting. You have been waiting since you were sixteen, now get off him, and come to wait for Edward."

The words processed slowly in Bella's mind. She slowly and drunkenly got off Newton. "Sorry Mike, she's right."

Bella moved over to the chair and started drinking a bottle of SmartWater. I turned on Mike, "What the flying fuck were you thinking? I told you outside, no funny business. Get out of my house, now." With that Mike left and the only thing left to do was wait for Edward.

I watched Bella, and couldn't help but laugh at some of her antics. She would get up and start drunkenly dancing, while singing bad pop music. One was to be said about that girl she could defiantly entertain while she was drunk.

I heard a car pull up as Bella was rapping No. 5 by Hollywood Undead. Watching her rap is very funny indeed. Edward barged into the house, and found Bella. She immediately walked up to him still rapping and started to grind against him. He got a look mixed between furry and pleasure on his face. I couldn't help but laugh.

"What are you laughing about? She could be in the hospital right now! That was irresponsible Alice." I could tell he wanted to yell but that would scare the pants off Bella. She hated loud sounds when she was drunk. I don't know why they just scared her.

"Edward, I called you. You are the only person on this planet who has experience dealing with her when she is this drunk. Don't hate me. She wanted to drink so I let her, she had more then normal because she wanted to forget. She no longer has a security blanket in you with Tanya back in the house."

Edward put a game in the late model X-Box 360 and handed the controller to Bella. He also handed her a Monster. Bella started playing Fairytale Fights and blocked us out. Way to go Edward.

"What's the Monster for?" I couldn't help but ask.

"So she doesn't get depressed in a half hour. If she has had a hard time before she drinks a lot she tends to get suicidal. The monster will make her happy. Now what's going on? She would never get this drunk without something happening." Edward looked concerned, I don't think he had the right but everyone but Tanya knew that he was still in love with the girl.

"Her father is dying. He probably won't make it until Christmas. She is also feeling like an outcast with us due to Tanya. She was always viewed as your second half and without you in the picture, she probably feels like she is not wanted." Edward moved to interrupt. "We all know that is not the case, but we can't help how she feels."

"I know she is going through a lot, but what can I do? I am going through quite a bit too. Tanya and I had a fight before I left about how I feel about her, and I couldn't answer her. I think that we are falling apart. I love Charlie too, and the same stuff that she has been going through I have felt some of it. She can always come to me. Why didn't you even try?" Edward is such a guy.

"She is mad at you about the other night; at least I think she is. I haven't seen her reaction to it enough times. She is either mad or wants it to happen again. Edward, I think she needs you as a friend. I am going to take off for tonight, take care of her. I'll see you at home in the morning."

"Why are you leaving?" He asked me.

"Because, I think she needs you more then me. She will not fully open up with me here, you are the only person who has ever gotten the full truth out of her."

"Allie, stay. Go up to your old room and you won't bother us. It's too late to be on the road anyway. You can leave first thing in the morning if you want to leave. I highly doubt we will have any intense conversation tonight. All she is going to do is play her game while I watch."

"I'll stay, but only because I'm not sure why I wanted to leave in the first place." I left the room to the shouts of Die beaver die, and Edward joining the game. I know why I wanted to leave, I felt guilty. I also wanted to get to Jake to make sure he was ok. I lay in my old bed, the one Jasper and I first made love on, and cried myself to sleep.

I knew why I wanted to leave now, the place held to many memories of him, and I was too afraid to face him.

* * *

BPOV

My head was pounding when I woke up in the morning. I opened my eyes to the dim light of a typical cloudy day in Washington to see the living room where I had my first kiss. I was sleeping in the chair with an X-Box controller in my hand. How much did I drink was the first coherent thought that crossed my mind. I saw Edward in a sleeping bag by my feet.

"Edward," I knew he was awake counting stucco patterns. "What happened last night?"

"You got drunk, danced, played Fairytale Fights, and sang. Nothing all too spectacular. How are you feeling?" At least he wasn't mad at me.

"My head hurts, but I don't think I'm hung-over. I think Alice fed me bacon." I knew why my head hurt. The previous day flooded back to me and I wanted nothing more then to get drunk again. At least then I could forget.

"She and I both did. You were pretty bad off. So you want to talk about yesterday?"

I shook my head; I didn't feel like talking right now. "Ok, when you're ready I'm here for you Bella. You want to head home?" I nodded, and noticed I was prancing around in my underwear, great I got half naked. I really hoped I didn't make out with anyone. I am a horrible drunk kisser.

I pulled on a pair of cute sweats, a tank top, and my Bob Marley hoodie. I was ready to leave.

Edward loaded me into the car, along with all of my stuff. He sped out of the driveway. "Where's Alice?"

"She left early this morning. She was having a hard time with Jasper flashbacks."

I nodded again and enjoyed the grey on green scenery.

We got home before I knew and I stumbled into the house. Alice still wasn't home. I send her a text asking if she was ok, and I got a quick reply saying she was at Charlie's. Works for me. I stumbled into my bedroom and lay on my bed.

The tears came again falling freely down my face. I went to the tape recorder and changed the tape. I knew I should have listened to it, but I was just too exhausted. I lay down and closed my eyes, forgetting to lock my door. I sent Rose a message asking her to listen to the tape when she got home then I fell asleep.

Sometime after I fell asleep someone came in my room. Expecting Rose I smiled and opened my eyes. I saw a man with wild blonde hair and an evil grin. "Finally we meet little home wrecker," was all I heard before a piece of cloth was placed over my face. I tried not to inhale, but he forced me too. As I fought to stay awake, I saw Tanya's face smiling at me. "Now everything can move along according to plan."

* * *

**End Notes- Thank you to all my reviewers and readers. I'm sorry about all the dialogue in this chapter, but I hope you liked it none the less. Any thoughts please either message me or leave a review. I tried to give some explanation to why Edward wanted to stay with Tanya. When I get the companion up it will make more sense. After the next chapter Tanya will be gone for good! Yay!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N- This chapter may be disturbing to some readers. If you do not want to read it, please feel to skip to the next one. Also if you get the chance listen to Disturbed's The Game. It's the story song. **

**Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight, if I did I probably wouldn't be writing fan fiction. **

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The first thing I noticed when I started to wake up was the smell. It smelled like a mix between human waste and cheap apple air freshener, I swallowed down a gag and the bile that had built up. As my mind woke up a little more I realized my arms where bound by two sets of handcuffs to the headboard. My feet where left free, thank god. I started to remember the faces before the cloth was placed over my face. A blonde man and Tanya? That can't be right. Tanya was too stupid to organize anything like the capture of a rival. Then again she was planning someway to get revenge on Edward; maybe she needed me out of the picture to do so.

I finally opened my eyes to see dust covering just about every surface in the apartment. Above my head was a shelf holding a box cutter blade, glass of water, and a bottle of lube. The furniture was old and cheap wood that was poorly cared for. I could see a kitchen and a living room set up with the blonde man who had captured me. Great, how the hell was I going to get out of this one?

"Bella, baby you're awake." The guy who did this too me commented.

My mind was racing a million miles per minute. I didn't know what to do, I could yell and scream but that would end with me being gagged along with tied. I could lie here passively and take whatever he did to me, or I could talk to him like he was a friend and hope it delays him in whatever his plans are for me. I think my third option is the best one on the table for the present moment. "We haven't been properly introduced. What's your name?" Might as well learn the name of my captor, who knows how long I will be staying with the sack of shit.

"I'm James Bella; I can honestly say your reaction is a disappointment. I enjoy it when they scream." I bet you do you sick fuck. If I am calm I will last longer.

The fear was bubbling up in me. I was drenched in sweat and my stomach was tied in knots. I knew the only way I was going to get out of this though was to stay calm on the outside scream on the inside. "I'm sorry to disappoint James. Maybe since I am such a disappointment you can let me go." Hell, it's worth a shot.

"I may have Bella, I may have. They are not much fun rational, but I am not working for myself at the moment. I working under someone I believe you to know very well. Tanya recruited me to get rid of the vermin ruining her plans."

"Tanya, well then I guess you know what she is up to then. Tell me are the man she cheated on Edward with? Before I go I want to know everything. My curiosity is eating at me."Keep him talking, and help might come.

"Of course I know what she is up too; we have been together since high school after all. Although I'm not sure why, the woman has been cheating on me for the past year."

I knew she was up to something, "So is that why you capture innocent girls and tie them to your bed?" Shit Bella, now is not the time for word vomit, at least it didn't come out scared.

"Yes it is. It started after I couldn't get near her for a few weeks and found this pretty little thing a bar, she was begging for it with her red dress and heels. She screamed so loud, like I said I love it when they scream."

At least I didn't make him mad. He is a twisted bastard. "Makes sense I guess, you get off on hearing girls scream." I said it more as a passing thought.

He seemed to get excited at the thought, "Yes it does, my beautiful girl and you won't make it out of here without screaming. It isn't fun unless you cry."

I never fear like this existed and I had to bite back every ounce of it. If I were to let it go I would be dead quicker then I knew. "I highly doubt this was part of her plan. What was the plan out of curiosity?" One wrong word and I am gone.

"I was supposed to slit your wrists and dump you in the Pacific, not exciting at all. No I like my plan much better." I never thought I would say this but I am glad he's a sick perverted freak; it gives me a chance to survive. I just hope they get to me soon enough. I hope that something was caught on tape; I don't want to die yet.

I was silent for a few moments taking in more of his appearance. He had scabs on his face, and I was sure if I got close enough to him, I would see dilated pupils. I looked to the end table on my right to see a smile pile of white powder, meth. As long as he isn't coming down I just may make it out of this. "Does she know about your drug of choice?"

"Yes of course she does. You can't hide it from someone for very long, once they move in with you they tend to figure it out. To answer your next question no she doesn't use or approve, I just refuse to quit."

So Tanya's other boyfriend was a raping, murdering, tweaker who was supposed to get rid of me. How fucking fitting. Now I just need to figure out a way out of here. I looked down at my clothes, I was wearing an old band t-shirt and nothing else. He must have stripped me when he tied me down. "James I need to pee." Let's see if will untie me so I can learn this shit hole better; maybe see where I'm at.

"Be right back." Was all he told me.

He came back a few minutes later with an empty coffee tin, I guess he won't let me up. "Stand up and I'll hold this under you."

I swung my feet over the edge of the bed. I noticed that with the way I was handcuffed I could stand on one side of the full bed. He held the coffee can between my legs and commanded me to go. After I finished, he wiped me, "So sweet and innocent," as his hand brushed over my most private parts. I bit back bile and suppressed a scream, which came out as a weird moan/ groan. "I knew you were a freak, maybe I should let you go. You aren't much fun if I can't torture you."

Please let me go. As he walked away I lay back down, trying to find a way to comfort myself. I knew I couldn't cry, scream or do anything that would express fear. I needed to act like I was enjoying his games, needed to pretend that this was fun to me too. I moved my arms up and realized that the cheap headboard's boards had nothing stopping them from the top to bottom. I could easily stretch my arms to the shelf above me, and rest them on the pillow above my head.

He came back and moved a chair closer to the bed. His smell was repulsive, his eyes were wild, and I knew I didn't have much longer to formulate a plan. He got his pile of crank and started to make lines, I had a few minutes that I could think freely. I slid my hand so my wrist was ready to slide out of the cuff. It was just loose enough on both sides so I could slip out at least I thought so. Got to love drug users.

He finished his lines and smiled at me, "Are you ready for me Bella. I promise this won't hurt, I hear you are quite a slut. Then again only a skank would be quiet right now."

He started to undress himself, slowly making the fear bubble over. I started to cry, still not screaming. "I knew you were afraid, this will be more enjoyable then I thought." Fuck, I blew it.

"You'll never get away with this you know! They will catch you." My efforts were futile, but at least I didn't have to hide anymore.

He laughed, and reached into a hollow book on the nearly empty case. "Bella look at how many times I have gotten away with it! You are just another notch in the bedpost so to speak." He said as he threw a thick stack of I.D's at me. From the pictures I saw, all the girls were young brunette and looked similar to me, oh hell.

He moved his naked body onto the bed and positioned himself over me. I screamed for the first time. "Keep screaming, no one will help you. Tanya screams like that when we are having sex. The neighbors are used to it, they won't help. Convenient don't you agree"

Then I got a stroke of genius, I could place one good kick at him, I should have enough time to slip my hand out and run. That's my only option right now. I lifted my legs closer to my core as if I were accepting his advances. "That's a good girl honey." Then I kicked. Possibly harder then I ever had in my life. I placed one foot in his junk, and the other in his stomach. I heard him scream then he collapsed lifelessly on top of me.

I screamed again from having him on top of me, and then I kicked him off my prison. I moved quickly trying to free my wrists. Where I thought the cuffs were too loose they wouldn't slip off my thumb, no matter which way I moved it. I just needed a little bit of lubrication.

I then remembered the bottle of lube on the shelf. I forced myself into a sitting position on the bed, and reached up. By some miracle I was able to get my hand on the bottle. I looked at the screw top, "Fuck," I said to no one as I tried to think of a way to get off the cap, and ultimately off the bed. I calmed down my mind a little from the after effects of the adrenaline rush. I noticed the keys to the handcuffs on the table next to me, so close yet so far away.

I moved the tube up a little bit and stretched my face down to the cap. I managed to get it my mouth. I unscrewed it somehow and spit the cap towards my captor. I was unsure if he was alive or dead at this point, but I didn't intend to figure out. I squeezed nearly the entire bottle over my hand and started to move quickly. My thumb was still stuck in the cuff but I somehow managed to get it over the hump, scrapping skin along with it. The lube mixed with the blood, causing me more pain in my left hand though slowing the bleeding.

I was reaching for the keys when I heard the front door open and Tanya stepped into the room, I couldn't help but scream again. "Get away from me you sadistic bitch!" I let the hysterics I was feeling overwhelm me.

Tanya stopped when she came in and was flanked by Carlisle, Edward, Jake, and Alice. I fumbled and dropped the key. It was only then I heard the sirens wailing from the outside. Cops followed shortly after.

Edward ran over to me grabbed the keys and freed my other hand. "I never meant for this to happen, I'm so sorry Bella. It was supposed to be painless." Tanya cried out to me.

"Bitch, you just tried to kill my fucking sister," Alice screamed as she threw a fist into her face, knocking her unconscious. I giggled as Edward took my in his arms and started kissing my head.

"Are you ok?" He asked repeatedly. Carlisle moved towards James and I shuttered, "He's dead," Carlisle announced.

I leaned out of Edward's lap and vomited up the bile that had been threatening to escape since the time I woke up. "I am now," was all I said before I fainted in his arms.

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**End Notes- I think chapter was hard to read for some people. I hope you liked it and the next chapter should be up sometime soon. It will be of Bella waking up and Tanya getting what she deserves. It will also have an explanation to Edward to why she acted the way she did. Thank you to all my readers and reviewers. You guys make my day! **


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Song: _You Save Me_- Kenny Chesney  
_**I just thank God you're here  
Cuz' when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun  
Cuz' when I'm a firecracker coming undone  
When I'm a fugitive ready to run  
All wild eyed and crazy  
No mater where my reckless soul takes me  
Baby you save me**_

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A cool cloth pressed to my eyelids startled me. I sat suddenly waiting for the fog of sleep to leave my brain. Once that happens I focus on Alice who is standing above me with concerned look on her face. "Bella, how are you feeling?"

I try to answer but the dryness in my throat caused me to choke. "Here hon, drink this." She says as she hands me a cold glass of water. I slowly take a sip and the sandpaper feeling leaves me.

"I guess I feel as good as I can. My head hurts and I feel shaky, but all things considered I am one lucky girl." I really am lucky; I faced death and one of the most prolific serial killers the United States had ever seen. I knew I had a lot of explaining to do once I was ready. "Where are they?" I asked wondering if the cops captured James and Tanya.

"They are gone Bella. James is dead from a heart attack, and Tanya is jail for a time. We are not sure how long though, all they could charge her with was conspiracy to commit murder." Relief flooded me. The last few minutes I was awake seemed to escape me. I couldn't remember anything about it, besides seeing Tanya enter the room. I looked down at my thumb and noticed that I t was bandaged, such a small price to pay for my life.

"How did you find me? Oh, Tanya probably talked over her plot in her and Edward's room." I added as and afterthought. "How's Charlie? Where's Edward?" I hope I didn't hurt anyone else is this adventure, and with Charlie being so sick, I don't think he could handle this.

"We didn't tell Charlie until after we found you. As far as Edward goes he is pacing right outside the door waiting for me to call him in. We weren't sure how you would react to waking up to a man in your room. What you went through was very traumatic." Truer words were never spoken. While the experience was traumatic, I will probably block out the emotions in time. James was never coming back and Edward no longer had the burden of Tanya hanging over his head. I still don't know what I going to do about that at the present moment. I want to take him back right now, but I don't think I can handle anyone but Alice touching me.

"Send him in, there's no point in him destroying the carpet. I think we need to talk anyways. I know you are going to ask for my story, and I'm only going to tell it once. Record it and have anyone else who wants to listen to it play it back. Sorry, I only want to relive it once."

"Bella, that's fine. Do you want to listen to the tapes? We made a copy before the police took them. Edward hasn't listened to them yet either, I think it might be a good thing for you to hear."

"I would like that Allie, but I want us to listen to them together." I told her as Edward walked into the room. I smiled at him as he took a seat in one of the new recliners in my room. I'm glad he understood my need for physical space at the moment.

"Love, how are you? You aren't scared or anything are you? They are gone, never coming back. Once Tanya gets out of jail she is banished from whatever state we live in. I wish she was in for life, but you're not dead and she was just plotting. I think I hate her." Edward ranted as he tore a piece of paper in his hands.

"I am as fine as I can be right now. I feel slightly panicky, but that is to be expected. I want to get this story out so I can forget." I told them as they looked at me, it's almost like I grew three heads.

"Start any time, Love."

Alice hit play on the tape recorder, "You guys may ask any questions, I want to make sure we never talk about this again unless I bring it. Get all your curiosity out now." I said forcefully before I launched into the tale. "It all started when we got home from Forks. I asked Rose to play the tapes when she got home, and then fell asleep. I woke up to James and Tanya on the side of my bed. James pressed a cloth over my face and I fell back asleep, feeling afraid."

"Why didn't you scream Bella?" Alice asked.

"I didn't think to." I paused again waiting for Edward to ask something and when he didn't I continued with the next part of my story. "I woke up in the apartment handcuffed to the bed, but you already knew that. James was sitting in a chair, with a twisted expression on his face. It took me a little to realize that his mind was warped and he like watching others suffer."

"Why didn't you scream Bella? You could have alerted someone to your whereabouts." Edward commented. I knew he was going to asked that.

"I was quiet because making noise often escalates the situation. It helped me live longer and the worst thing that happened was the cut on my finger. Once I saw the stack of I.D.'s he threw at me I knew he was a serial rapist and that I needed to be calm. Psychopaths enjoy seeing others suffer; if I wouldn't have kept my voice down I would be in much worse shape. You would probably either be setting up my funeral, or something. I am glad I watched all those documentaries on serial killers. Anyways to wrap it up, he moved to get on top of me and I kicked both feet as hard as I could in an attempt to get free, squeezed lube on my hand and tried to run for it. That's when you came in and saved the day." I told them, they don't need to hear all the details unless they ask.

"You were very brave Bella, how did you stay calm?"

"Allie, I internalized everything, I felt like screaming the entire time. I'm glad it's all over. So how did you guys know where to find me?" I never wanted this to be brought up again, and if I didn't ask my questions now some things would always nag at me.

"The tapes and Tanya. After Rose heard the first part of the conversation and realized you were missing, she went in to Edward's room, waking them up and dragged her down to her room to continue listening to the tapes. It would have been quite comical if the situation wouldn't have been quite as dire. Hell, she wouldn't even let go to let Tanya use the bathroom. To answer your next question, I rushed straight over once Rose said we needed to listen without you. I suspected something was up." Alice told me as she looked over to Edward.

"I was in my room, and didn't wake up until I heard Tanya yell that something hurt. I thought you girls had finally had enough and decided to jump her." Edward told me looking down.

I only had a few questions, "How did James die? I know you said heart attack, but he was fine until he collapsed."

"Carlisle said that the drugs sped up his heart rate so much that when he was kicked, it sent his body into shock, causing his heart to freak out. He passed out and then died shortly after." Alice answered.

"Wow, so Tanya led you guys to the apartment and the cops met you there I'm guessing," Alice nodded at me. "I think that's enough for now. Alice, can you put the tape in with the conversation on it." She nodded again hit play and left the room.

Tanya's slightly distorted voice filled the room, and I winced in fear. It would take some time to move on, I could repress the memories, but I would be jumpy for some time. I guess bad things will do that to you. "James, here's the plan. Tonight I will let you in here and you will take her to the beach to get rid of her."

"No, that will happen a few hours later. I will meet you at the apartment about seven in to morning so you can beat me up."

"Yes, we have to wait that long. They need to wake up and find her missing. I need to be bruised and she needs to have her wrists slit. If they realize she's missing and I come down covered in bruises, then they will suspect him. If all works out right, then he will be accused, if not I will press charges against him. He will pay for what he did to Eric."

"Come here at midnight, love you James. Bye." The conversation ended abruptly, and two minutes later a new one started. "Hey honey, how's Bella doing?" I turned off the recorder at this point and looked at Edward.

"I hope she rots," was all he said.

"Me too," I commented.

We sat in silence for about an hour, not knowing what to say. I was clueless on what to say to him, does he blame himself? "Edward, what happened wasn't your fault. Not even Alice and I guessed that she was that much of a bitch. Hell, she didn't even know James's plans for her."

"Bella, if I would have listened to Alice and you this never would have happened. How can I not blame myself?"

"Edward, did you plot to kill me? Did you even know anything about it? No, you didn't. You have no blame in the situation. So please stop blaming yourself!" I nearly yelled at him.

"Bella, can I have some time to think." Of course, if he doesn't leave. Its weird, I'm afraid to have him touch me, but at the same time I want him to cuddle.

"Stay here and think. I am going to get some ice cream." I told him as I left the room. I was hungry and I knew I needed sugar. I made my way to the kitchen and found some caramel and vanilla ice cream. I looked in the pantry, and we also had pretzel rods. Alice knew me better then I knew myself sometimes. I made a bowl up, grabbed a spoon and shoved the pretzels into the ice cream. I probably wouldn't need the spoon, but hey you never know.

I got to my room and realized that I forgot the toffee Andes, I can live without them. Edward was still in the recliner with a blank look on his face. I dug to my ice cream with a pretzel and started munching away.

"It's good to know you still do that."

"Edward, you still blame yourself for things that aren't you fault so I guess we're even."

"Bella, can I try that?" That's odd he always said how weird my concoction was. "Did you forget the Andes? Alice said you would, but you never do so I didn't believe her."

"I did this time; it's still awesome without them though."

"You know, the first time you ever came to my house you made that and I was repulsed. I thought that I could never trust your cooking, and here you are, accomplished in it." He was avoiding the blaming himself question. I handed him a pretzel with a big dollop of ice cream.

He cautiously took the bite, and his face immediately contorted with pleasure. He redunked the pretzel and moaned. "Told ya it was good."

"I will never doubt you again, Love. That is amazing."

"Like I said before, don't dock something before you try it. As far as weird tastes go, you got me started on putting ketchup on my Kraft Mac&Cheese." That's one thing that happened by accident and turned out to be so amazing I do it every time now.

"Well, that's different. Bella, I'm sorry for everything."

"Don't keep blaming yourself for what happened, you were trying to do what's right for you. If anything you strengthened our bond."

"Bella, I mean I am sorry for everything. I am sorry for leaving you, ignoring my feelings, making you jealous, and James. If I would have been honest with myself in the first place, I would have never started this chain of events. I know I am already forgiven, but I need to apologize first. Please, I know I messed up."

"You are forgiven, next time listen to your heart not your head. Now answer me this, why did you stay with Tanya for so long. It was obvious to me that you weren't in love with her, not completely. You looked at her with almost agitation." If he was answering things honestly, then I needed to ask a couple things.

"As you said I was listening to my head. I was afraid that I wasn't good enough for you, that you would hurt me, and I wanted to make it work with Tanya. I liked some parts about her. She couldn't think for herself, which I enjoyed to a point. I could ask her for anything and it would be done. I know it's terrible but it was nice for a little while. Bella, I prefer it with you. You argue when you disagree with something. You have such an amazing brain, and I am sorry I let it go in the first place." That didn't make much sense, he likes it when you think for yourself, but he wants you to be mindless at the same time. I think I need to alter my way of thinking around that one. He liked that she didn't think for herself because it made life easier on him. Now I'm even more confused.

"Edward, a while ago you said that she was pressuring you to get married. How is that not arguing?"

"That is one of the few things she ever asked for, that and moving to Vegas. Since she asked for so few things I wanted to give them to her. She did however push them like crazy." That makes more sense now. When I want something I don't give up either. Hell, I didn't give up on trying break up Edward and Tanya and I finally succeeded. If I hadn't have tried in the first place, I might not be alive right now.

I pondered what he told me for awhile. I lay in bed focusing on nothing more then my slowly melting ice cream. I wondered where we were going after all this.

"Bella, I have something serious to ask you."

"Shoot Edward, I'll answer anything as honestly as I can." Where could this be leading?

"I love you Bella, I can't imagine my life without you. Will you date me again? Will you be my girlfriend?" I know what I want to say, but I think I need to let my head rule this one. My heart is too damaged right now, and I need to heal. He does too, now is not the time to start a relationship.

"Edward, I love you more then I could possibly imagine but right now I do not think that it is a good idea, for both of us. I cannot be what you need, because of what just happened. You just got out of a serious relationship, and need to time to heal as well. I do not doubt your feelings for me, nor mine for you, but now is not the time for either of us to commit to a relationship. I can barely be touched by Alice, let alone you."

"We don't have to touch. I need you Bella. I love you so much, I know now that you are the girl for me. Please give me one more shot."

"Edward, this about healing. I am not saying no so I can run into the arms of some unknown stranger. I am saying no because I simply cannot handle a relationship again. A week ago I would have said yes in a heartbeat, but now I can't. I just can't give myself to you without regretting it later. You need time to heal as well. Right now I know you want this because you almost lost me. That is not the reason I want us to start something up again. I want us to be mentally well, not hurting over other events. Please understand."

"I do Bella, but it hurts. I need you in my life, we can heal together. We can make it work."

"Not now, I am not leaving your life, I am just leaving our relationship at the friendship status for now. I want you to have time to think about this. I need time to get over what just happened to me. It shouldn't take long. Edward, not to be mean but I waited for you for four years expecting you to come back to me, now it's your turn." I know it's harsh, and it killed me. I also know that my heart cannot take a relationship right now. Right now I need to focus on what's best for me.

"I don't understand now Bella, but I will in time. I am going to leave for a little bit. I know you don't want to be left alone for long so I'll send in Alice. Jake's here too though, if you'd prefer him."

"Either one is fine I just need someone in here." I told him holding back tears. That was quite possibly the hardest thing I ever had to do.

He left and I let the tears flow, I said no to the one thing I had wanted since he left me all those years ago. I knew though that it was the best thing for both of us.

Jake came into my room a short while later with a huge smile on his face. "Hells Bells, how do you feel?" He looked at my face and noticed the tears and immediately put on his angry face. "If you hadn't have killed the bastard I would have."

I smiled at his statement. He moved to sit next to me on the bed and I scooted away from him. "Oopps, sorry Bells." He moved into the chair that Edward was sitting in just moments earlier.

"Jake it's not him that has me crying its Edward." That probably came out wrong.

"What did that ass do now? I swear I am going to kill him." Jake said fuming. "You know, he's still the only Cullen I don't view as a friend. I guess that's because he's such an insensitive jackass. Wait he was crying too. Bella, what happened?"

"He asked me out again and I said no. I can't deal with a relationship right now. It killed me to do it, but it's for the best." I told my blanket, not daring to look Jake in the face.

"That makes sense. Did you say no because you can't bare to have anyone near you?" I nodded and he continued. "It's also because you need time to think about what happened to you too. Bella, Alice was going through the same thing until today. I have some good news." Jake was beaming at me again.

"What would that be Jake?"

"Allie and I are a couple! I asked her out today and she said yes! She said that it was eventual, and she was fighting her urges to stay away from me." Jake was bouncing like an excited puppy. I knew in a short amount of time I would be acting the same way.

"Congratulations! So Jake I have a problem." He looked at me expectantly. "I can't sleep alone but I can't be touched, what the hell do I do about it?"

Edward was walking past my door as I said this and answered, "You sleep in my room. I have been sleeping on the pullout couch for months anyways. Hell, I even made it comfortable. My room is the only one built to accommodate you." He smiled at me and continued to walk down the hall.

* * *

After Jake and I sat in silence for a little while I decided to get out of bed and wander into the living room. I took a seat in a chair and started to look for the TV remote. While looking I found a stack of papers.

They were Carlisle's from an exam on Tanya and James. It stated stuff about James that I already knew, but Tanya's was shocking to me. It said that she was AIDs positive. She got it from James. If James were to have done anything to me, I would be in a worse situation then I was now. He would have killed me in an entirely different way.

Beneath Tanya's paperwork, there was one on Edward. Carlisle had given him a rapid HIV test, which came up negative. He would need to be retested in couple months of course, but as of now he was clean.

When I found this out waves of all different emotions shot through me. Tanya was dying, which as sick as it was made me happy. What made me mad was the fact that Edward was tested in the first place. I thought they had never done anything together, and if that was the case why did he need the test? I read a little further and saw my answer, precautionary test. To me that said that Edward was just being safe.

I read over the papers absorbing information about the people who had ruined my life when a voice shocked me into dropping everything. "Interesting read?" Carlisle asked from behind me. I forced my panic back down, I didn't realize I was in a room alone for as long as I was. I guess I was ok with it because I could hear Esme humming and cooking in the kitchen.

"Sorry, I was just curious, and then I saw the AID's thing and I saw Edward's paper, and then I couldn't stop myself." I stuttered out shaking.

"Edward was only tested in case Tanya molested him, or they both had an open wound at the same time." He answered my unasked question. "The rest I feel you the right to read. How are you feeling Bella," He smiled at me like always but he was a bit more cautious then normal.

"I am jumpy but fine. Did you give me a test too?" I asked Carlisle.

"No, it wouldn't show up. I was going to test you when I retest Edward. Your chances of contracting are about as low as Edward's though. You had no sign of any disturbance down there you will be fine Bella." He knelt down to start picking up the papers. "Bella, are you going to be ok alone after I leave, I know how scared you probably get when that happens right now."

"I'll be fine, I can hear Esme. I think I can also hear Rose and Emmett." I smiled back and finally found the TV remote. I started watching Top Model and fell asleep shortly after.

* * *

I woke screaming a short time later, and was immediately surrounded by everyone in my family. Charlie moved to hold me but Alice held him back. "Charlie, touching scares her right now. It will freak her out even more."

He grunted, "Bella are you ok?"

I nodded, "Just a nightmare about what happened. When did you get here?"

"Carlisle was going over my chart and started to give me some advice. I think I may be able to make it a few more months." Dad told me. He looked guilty about bringing it up.

I got out of the chair and walked towards him, "Dad don't ever feel guilty about it. It's not your fault." I gave him a hug, and started to make my way towards the kitchen. "Dinner smells good Esme, what are you making?"

"Fried chicken, Mac&Cheese from a box, and a salad, all organic."

I looked at her confused she giggled as I spoke. "How can Mac&Cheese from a box be organic?"

"They started making it recently." I nodded in understanding, and everyone made their way into the kitchen.

Once we were all seated Carlisle spoke, "I understand that everyone has been going through a tough time," he said as I poured ketchup over the orange noodles. "Soon Charlie will need to either stay in a hospital or have a doctor on call constantly. While I am more then willing to do this for him, I think it would be better if he lived in the same house as us." Everyone looked at Carlisle with confusion.

"Dad, there's not enough room here, we are out of spare rooms, unless you give up your office." Edward told him.

"Let me finish, I was going to propose that we all move back to the house in Forks. I am sure that Bella wants to get out of this town for awhile, and the hospital in Forks is now just as decent as the ones in Seattle. There we will have more then enough room for all of us and then some." Carlisle concluded his proposal.

"I think it's a great idea," Alice said earning nods from everyone else.

"So we are agreed. Charlie's house is already on the market, and we will be moving next week. Does anyone else have any comments?" Carlisle is always a diplomat.

Everyone shook their heads and smiled. Forks was home to most everyone but me. It was surprising that I had lived there the least amount of time, and yet the place meant so much to me. It was home. I started to feel better about my current situation immediately after Carlisle made his announcement. I actually felt comfortable near my family. I think the house was contributing to my paranoia.

"Edward, Jake, Alice, and Bella tomorrow I would like you to go out to Forks and get the house ready for us." We nodded again, and smiled at one another.

* * *

On our second day in Forks I was sneezing like mad. "Edward, next time do you think you can beat the rug away from my face next time?"

"Sorry Love, but it's kind of hard when you are like three feet shorter then me. Next time I'll bend down a little lower, I know you like the view." I laughed and lightly pushed him, causing him to stumble. I stumbled after him, and we both fell onto the newly cleaned carpet. I was on top of him. I immediately blushed and smiled shyly at him.

I acted on impulse when I bent down to give him a kiss on the cheek. He smiled at me. I got off him before he could get the wrong idea and started to run down the hall. I knew a tickle war was coming. I somehow burst into Jake and Alice's new room and they were making on the bed, "Err, sorry." I blurted before I continued my quest to find a decent easy to find hiding spot.

In the few days since we moved back here I had been doing better with my touching anxiety. Edward and any other family could touch me if I was paying attention. I knew the conversation of Edward and I becoming a couple again was fast approaching, but it wouldn't happen until I was ready. He was over Tanya; I knew it wouldn't take him long. It's amazing how three days can change a lot about our relationship. When I told him not yet, I knew it wouldn't be a long wait, I just didn't want to add the extra stress to my plate at that moment. Now that the fear was fading, I knew it would only be a few more days before we would be a couple again.

While thinking I found my hiding spot, the linen closet. I shut the door a little too loud, so he could find me and hid behind the door. My first day here I would have freaked out about the monsters in the dark, but now I knew I was getting better the monsters where gone and my family would protect me. I wonder if I should get a dog, the random thought went through my mind.

"Got ya," Edward said as he started tickling me all over, bringing me to the point of tears. I smiled at him after he finished and curled into his chest. Tonight I think I may be able to sleep in bed with him, tonight I think our journey from just friends to something more will begin.

* * *

**End Notes- So here is the next chapter in my story. I hoped you enjoyed. Thank you to everyone who reads. It means a lot to me to know that my story is getting out there. The next chapter will be their night together and moving back into the house. I'm not sure how much longer this story will last. I would like it to go up until Bella and Edward's wedding but I'm not sure that is plausible. It will defiantly go to their engagement though. O and I have started Edward's version of this story, it's called Forever Torn. I will start posting as soon as I get two more chapters of it written. **


	12. Epilouge

Chapter Song- _Then_: Brad Paisley

* * *

A kiss to my cheek awakes me. I look into Edward's and feel at home. "Merry Christmas, Love." He told me as he peppered more kisses along my jaw. Life with Edward was much better then I ever thought it could be. This year has held more loss then I could ever imagine, but I also gained so much more then I could explain. The loss of someone is always hard, but the memory of them will live on forever.

I got out of bed and put on my university sweater. We were planning on moving after the New Year, to somewhere that didn't hold so much in it. "I'm ready now Edward lets head downstairs." Edward took my hand and led me down to the living room which was pilled high with Christmas presents. "I thought we had everything we needed, what's with this? I mean what more can be given?" I asked Edward as we took a seat on the loveseat.

He smiled at me and answered, "Bella, few are for us. The rest are for Missy and Jacob. Your right we have almost everything need, hell this seems a little bit ridiculous even to me. Missy has never had a real Christmas before and this is the first year Jake is a member of the family. I want them to feel welcome and I honestly don't think they will accept anything unless it is a holiday. Hell, you remember your birthday, she refused to accept the DVD we bought saying she didn't need it."

"She's a lot like I used to be Edward. She feels that we have given her so much and there is nothing else she needs. We are probably the first family she has ever known, and she feels that our love is good enough for her. In response to what you are going to say next, I am fully aware of the fact that she deserves the best, and you might be able to get her to accept it. For now though, don't push her. She's only human, and she'll come around eventually." I told him smiling. I always hated getting presents from the Cullen's until I finally realized that their generosity was passed on because of love and acceptance. It took me long enough.

I heard Esme cooking in the kitchen and smelled the smells of Christmas permeating the room. Evergreen from the tree, apples and cinnamon from the kitchen, and burning wood from the fireplace caused me to sigh and sink deeper into Edward's arms. His own manicured smell mixed with the smells of the house and I started to doze even though I had just woken up. I felt safe in his arms, like nothing could ever touch me again. The only way he could hurt me is by leaving me again.

"Love, stay awake. Everyone else will be down here soon." I grumbled and nodded, turning away from him to look up the stairs. I saw the messy red head of Missy followed by Alice and Jacob. Alice and Jake seemed to have had quite the night, judging by the big, content smiles on their faces.

Missy was a friend that Edward brought home shortly after the attack. She was apparently the only one who kept him sane while he was going through his mental war. She was also the one who told Edward about Tanya's cheating. After all she did live the same apartment as James. It's funny how small the world is. Edward's best friend was my attacker's next door neighbor. Too bad she didn't see me get brought in, then it would have ended a lot faster.

Missy fit in well with the family, and I was almost sad that we didn't have another Cullen boy for her. There was always Seth from the reservation, but he was still a little young and immature. Plus, he wasn't quite family.

"Now all we need Rose and Emmett. They are going to take forever I'm guessing," commented Alice as she bounced up to the couch.

"Wrong, little sis, we are right here. Who can pass up presents?" Boomed Emmett as he appeared at the head of the stairs, followed closely by Rose.

"What Emmett means is we are anxious to join the family on a very special day, right Emmett?" Rose shouted at him. Got to love how strong her mommy sense is.

"Uh, sure thing Rose. I'm going to go grab mom and dad from the kitchen." He yelled as he tore down the stairs and into the room behind me.

Soon after Emmett bolted into the kitchen, we were gathered around the tree. I looked into the faces of my family and couldn't help but think that we were incomplete. True we had gained some new family members in the past year, but two were missing. Charlie and Jasper would never grace us with their presence again. I felt tears well up in my eyes and looked at my families faces. They all had an expression similar to how I thought mine might look. Happy, but sad at the same time. The only one who looked purely happy was Missy, and that's because she only knew my father for a few months and had never met Jasper. It's too bad, he would have loved her.

Edward got up for the couch to grab a present from under the tree and handed it to Missy. "Here you go, this one is from Bella." I wonder why we are still doing the whole pick one gift and everyone watches you open it. This will take forever.

Missy opened the dress and gift card I had gotten her. With the new mall in Port Angeles, shopping was easier. "My god Bella! I love it, but serious five hundred dollars? That is way too much."

"Honey, not at this store. You may be lucky to get two outfits, complete with shoes."I gave her a hug; I knew she would love it. Plus now we could go to New York together and I wouldn't have to worry about her feeling uncomfortable.

"Emmett, Edward, why don't you sort the presents and we can go one at a time from there." Esme smiled at me. She must have read my mind.

* * *

About an hour later the tree was buried by a mountain of wrapping paper. Jake and Missy were still working on their piles, while the rest of us watched. I received the usual, new phone, clothes, writing supplies. Missy had already revealed a Best Buy, a new wardrobe, and a semester of paid tuition. Jake's was similar, only instead of piles of new clothes he received parts for his late model rabbit, and a new Blazer to work on.

"Guys, this is too much. Seriously, what am I going to do with this stuff? I don't even know how to use half of it." Missy commented.

"Girl, you need to learn how to accept gifts more graciously. We are family now and this is how family treats one another, at least this one. You should have seen Bella's truck after her first Christmas with the Cullen's, she could barely see out the back." Thanks Jake, way to comfort her. I knew he was uncomfortable with all the generosity too, but he wasn't about to show it. He was too proud.

Missy was on her last package and I can honestly say it was the one I was most worried about. It was a new car, a Mustang. I knew she wouldn't react the way we wanted her too towards it.

"Guys, why the hell is there a car key in this box? This is way more then I need, with you paying my tuition and the scholarships you helped me get I can afford one now." Missy nearly yelled.

"You want to see it?" Edward said excited. He and I went shopping for it together and I knew he couldn't wait to show off the fully loaded, gorgeous piece of machinery. I thought it was beautiful myself, but I preferred my new Silverado more.

"Ugg, sure whatever. How am I going to afford the insurance on this thing?" Missy whined as she headed towards the door with us following behind her.

"O well we can pay that too." Edward said flippantly, which only made Missy angrier. I knew this was a bad idea, why did I take part in this?

We got to the front porch and immediately Missy's eyes went to the black piece of sex appeal. "O my God!" She squealed and started bouncing, that was not the reaction I was expecting. I never knew she wanted a Mustang.

"I take it you like," said Edward. "You have the keys take it out whenever you are ready."

I smiled at him, and noticed everyone else had gathered around us. What the hell is going on I thought to myself. At that moment the clouds seemed to break apart, and the sunlight shone directly onto Edward and me.

Edward kneeled down, "Bella, I know we haven't had a picture perfect story book romance, but I want you to know that I love you. Please, give me the chance to make you mine forever. Bella, will you marry me?"

Tears started to fall freely from my eyes as I answered him, "Of course. I love you too!"

With that he swept me into his arms, to the cheers of the family. This was the perfect way to end a terrible year. I know New Years is still in the future, but I don't see how anything else can go wrong. I am surrounded by my loved ones and nothing will ever change that.

I may have lost a lot this year but I gained so much more. I won Edward back, I made a new friend who I view as a sister, and above all I learned that true love can conquer all. I hope in the future I can look back at this time together and smile. I know that life gets hard sometimes, but it is only as hard as you make it out to be. I know that I will be forever in their hearts.

* * *

**Story End Notes- So ends FIYH. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. The companion piece called Forever Torn is now up. It is all from Edward's point of view and is the same story while being completely different. Missy is a main character in Forever Torn and I couldn't help but add her in here. Please go check it out; I think that you may enjoy Edward's side of things. Also I am looking for a BETA, if you are interested please send me a PM. My stories will be so much better once I can finally get some help editing. I am horrible at it, because I have little to no patience. There should be sequel to this story up sometime soon, I am thinking about writing a different story called Come Back to Me, which takes place after Eclipse. It is about Bella leaving to find herself, meets up with some interesting characters along the way. **

**Thank you everyone who has reviewed, added, and read this story. You guys are amazing! **


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